The Best Man
by thefangirldiaries
Summary: Set during LS; When someone from Dimitri's past unexpectedly joins the fugitive party and starts meddling in his life, he is forced to change his perceptions on forgiveness and admit the feelings he wanted to forget. DPOV
1. Part 1

**Hello everyone! First off, let me say that I do not own the rights to Vampire Academy, that honor was earned by Richelle Mead. This is my second VA fanfic; check out Princess of the Dhampirs if you haven't already (it's still in progress!). I'm planning on this particular story being complete in three parts, but I will let you know if that changes. Please be patient with me, as I'm writing two stories at the same time, and I will be starting my first semester of college within two weeks. I hope you enjoy :)**

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I don't know how we ended up here.

Everything was moving two times faster than it should have been but my mind was seeing it all in slow motion. Sonya thrust her body up to buck Robert off of her, but he continued to flail at her with the stake poised in his hand. She couldn't do too much damage under her restraints, so I stood off to the side with my own stake at the ready just in case. Rose was keeping an eye on Victor so that he wouldn't try to cause any trouble; we could just never know with him. Sydney was taking up a corner of the room, as rigid as a statue.

There was a faint glow of sunlight spilling in from the kitchen one room over, due to the gaping hole we created in the sliding door. I could tell from my long shadow casted on the hardwood floor that we were nearing sundown. If Robert could stake Sonya soon, we could head out and find shelter somewhere else. The task seemed simple enough, and there was no need for me to intervene with Sonya chained up, but my lack of action was disconcerting in the presence of a Strigoi.

With Sonya screaming at the top of her lungs, it's a wonder Rose could tell that we weren't alone. Then I remembered Rose once telling me about her early warning system, the nausea that hits her when the undead are near. It must have intensified, or somehow told her that there was more than one Strigoi nearby, because Rose turned to the staircase rapidly, looking up into the darkness. She crouched defensively, "There's someone coming down the st- umph!" A tall, lean figure knocked into her, cutting off her words.

The male attacker had just enough surprise on his side that Rose couldn't properly defend herself. I abandoned my post near Sonya to deal with the more immediate threat. The attacker was on top of Rose, pinning her down with his weight. Her stake went flying when she fell, clattering to the ground across the room. Rose's size was always her greatest disadvantage in a fight, especially against a male attacker. All I could see of him was short blonde hair. Rose had her hands on his face, trying to push him away as he attempted to bite into her neck.

It didn't take a genius to realize he was a Strigoi, even without seeing his eyes. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him up. Or, at least I tried to. His hands were gripping Rose's arms, so when I pulled on him he pulled her too. He was sitting up and Rose was almost in his lap. She didn't waste a second, taking advantage of the new position she was in. She punched the Strigoi in the throat and he released his grip on her. She leapt out of his lap, and I moved in. Since Rose didn't have her weapon, I would finish the job.

"Sydney, go outside!" Rose screamed. Less than two seconds later I saw a blonde figure bolt into the kitchen.

The Strigoi was standing fully now, facing me with his teeth bared; I almost stopped breathing right then and there. Even after everything that's happened to me, though nothing should shock me anymore, even after I tried pounding it into Rose's head that she could never hesitate, I still did just that.

I was looking at Ivan Zeklos. Ivan was alive. No, not alive. Ivan was a Strigoi.

I could never forget those pale blue eyes, the face I was jealous of growing up. He still had a scar on his jaw on the left side of his face from when we tried to learn how to drive motorcycles together. Girls loved that scar; he never went home alone when he dragged me to clubs with him. He still had a five o'clock shadow on his face from the last time I saw him. The only difference was now he had red rings around his pupils.

He paused too, the surprise of seeing a familiar face coming over him. But, just like me, he didn't let the surprise slow him down too much. He lunged forward with his fist going for my face. I dodged it easily, but couldn't even process throwing a punch back. I was the one who taught him how to punch, so long ago. He kept coming at me, and I kept dodging him, not trying to attack him at all. "It's so good to see you again, Dimka. I heard you'd been awakened, what happened?" He sneered at me. His voice was so damn familiar, yet morphed by his cruel intent.

I wanted to believe Ivan was in there. All I could see in front of me was my best friend, yet deep down I knew Ivan was gone. I would have to kill him, it was my duty as a guardian. I tried to shut down my emotions and operate only in assailant mode, but my mind was determined to let me know who I was fighting. Ivan saw the uncertainty in my eyes and laughed; he knew I wouldn't hurt him. His response enraged me, but it didn't change the fact that I refused to go on the offense with him.

I didn't waste my breath on responding to his question, I just focused on deflecting him. I didn't think I could stake him, Rose would have to do it for me.

As if thinking of her summoned her, she was suddenly by my side, dodging Ivan's throws at both of us. "What the hell happened!" She yelled at me. She had her stake now, and moved in on Ivan, changing the game and going on the offensive. I rushed in to help her; I couldn't let her fall just because it was Ivan in front of me.

Beautifully, gracefully, she used moves I had taught her on fighting an opponent taller than her. It didn't look like she needed my help, but when she landed a kick on Ivan's shin, I grabbed his shoulders anyway and helped her bring him to the ground. She jumped on top of him, straddling his lap and raised her stake. I didn't know why I was doing this, why I would risk it, but seeing her about to end him made me snap.

I couldn't let her stake him. I shoved her side, the same way she shoved Eddie off me at the hotel in Las Vegas, making her topple onto the ground beside Ivan. Ivan was standing in an instant, almost as tall as me. Rose got up before Ivan could do anything, and we were back to dodging his throws again.

"What the fuck was that!" she yelled as she tried getting back to the offensive. We would both get tired soon, but Ivan could keep coming at us. "I had him!" Rose was verbally attacking me at the same time she was defending her life against a Strigoi. She never ceased to amaze me.

Ivan must have learned some moves after he'd been turned because he was able to deflect Rose fairly well, but most of it was just his height and speed against her. He wasn't hurting her, so I saw no need to intervene for now. Stupidly, I found myself staring at their fight. My lost best friend and my ex lover, neither of them knew who the other was.

"Help me!" she grunted as she swiped her stake across his chest, ripping the fabric and leaving a line of red slowly oozing down his shirt. He roared at her and reached for her ponytail. He pulled on the hair, making her yell out. Now her neck was exposed, it would only take Ivan a second to get his teeth into her. "NO!" I screamed as I lunged for Ivan, making him lose his grip on Rose. I was able to get Ivan from behind, my stake poised at his throat and my arms locking around his shoulders, coming up from under his armpits. Rose didn't miss a beat, her stake aimed for his exposed chest.

I panicked and twisted Ivan in my grip to get his heart out of her stake's view. "No, Rose! It's Ivan," I cried out, panting as I struggled to keep him still. "It's Ivan…" I repeated. Rose paused, confusion and comprehension overcoming her features at the same time. She glanced back at him, looking at the best friend she had only ever heard about, the man we both thought was dead. The pause was enough for Ivan to make a move, he broke free and reached for Rose, only she wasn't there anymore.

We all went flying to the wall as a white light filled the room and blinded us. I could feel a murmur of magic, a fraction of what I had felt when Lissa transformed me. Though this time I wasn't in pain, and I could concentrate on the feeling of the magic coursing through the air. It was brilliant, full of life and energy, two of the things I thought I would never embody again. Here was the proof I needed; I could feel exactly what Rose and Lissa had been trying to tell me all along. I was truly alive again, just as Sonya would be once the magic took over. I could almost sense a part of my soul falling back into place.

I heard her cries as soon as the white light vanished. Ivan looked at Sonya, more perplexed than concerned. Rose had landed beside me, and she turned to face me, a determined glint in her eyes. "Stun him." Her voice left no room for doubt.

I leaned over toward Ivan, who was still staring at the scene in confused wonder. Before he could react I jammed my stake in the right side of his chest and he went still. I was nowhere near his heart, but this would buy us enough time for whatever Rose had planned. She stood up and stalked over to Robert, who was staring off into space with his eyes glazed over. I watched as Rose grabbed Robert's arm and drag him over to where I sat with the frozen Strigoi. Rose dropped Robert on the floor next to Ivan, then she dropped the spirit-infused stake. "Transform him too," she ordered, pointing to Ivan.

I could have kissed Rose then, for thinking of the obvious solution that somehow escaped me. Robert glared at Rose, he could hardly sit upright. "I'm not strong enough. _That_ took enough out of me," he gave a pointed look to Sonya, still chained up and crying. Rose rolled her eyes, "Jesus Christ. Here," she crouched down next to Robert and tilted her head so that her neck was exposed. Robert stared at her, dumbfounded. Rose, always impatient, groaned. "C'mon, drink my blood. You need the strength? Here it is." She shifted closer to Robert, bringing her neck almost to his mouth.

As preposterous as the idea seemed, Rose didn't need to think twice about giving her blood in a time of need. As far as I knew, she had only willingly given her blood to Lissa and Adrian; offering it to Robert must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was determined.

Robert hesitated, but ultimately couldn't resist the offer of her blood. He sank his teeth into her neck, making her moan. The scene before me felt familiar in more than one way. A shiver ran through me as my memory attacked me with the taste of Rose's blood and the shape of her body as I would let my hands roam, making her moan loudly and sensually, all of it exciting and against her conscious will. I remember the pleasure of drinking her blood, but the thought of doing it now only repulsed me. I felt a surge of jealousy and disgust as I watched someone else drinking from her. "How charming," Victor commented sarcastically. After several long moments torturing myself to the view of Rose being used as a blood bag, I gripped Robert's shoulder and pushed him back, "That's enough," I growled.

Victor chuckled, "Still so protective of your precious Rose, I see." I pointedly ignored him. Rose squinted her eyes shut as if in pain, hopefully she was too high to process what Victor had just said. "Okay," she whispered. "Do it, Robert. Now." Rose crawled slowly over to where Sydney was and sat with her to watch from a safe distance. Robert was able to sit up now, and leaned over the unconscious Strigoi. My heart pounded with excitement as I watched Robert angle for the blow. I gripped my own stake and nodded at Robert. I pulled my stake out at the same time he plunged his into Ivan's chest.

Another blast of white light ensued, knocking me to the group. I felt the same encouraging magic fill the air, making the message truly stick. _This is your second chance, Dimitri, don't mess it up more than you already have_. When it disappeared, there wasn't any crying. Sonya had stopped, and Ivan wasn't crying at all. I moved over to him, afraid that the stake had killed him, like a normal stake would. It hadn't, thankfully. Ivan lay on the floor, his clear blue eyes blinking rapidly, taking in the scene before him. "Is he okay?" Rose asked skeptically. I reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder. His whole body twitched from the touch, and I jerked my hand away for fear that I hurt him. He looked at me, still stunned, studying my face with wide eyes. Then he scoffed in amazement, "Dimka?"

I couldn't help the grin that broke out on my face, "Ivan! You're alive!"

That was when the crying began.

I pulled him into a bear hug, both to comfort him and because I _missed_ him. For three years I carried his loss with me, every single day. I never thought I would see him again, yet here he was, crying the same way I did when I had been transformed. Ivan wrapped his arms around me, gripping my shirt and crying into my shoulder. "Dimka, what have I done?" he asked helplessly, speaking in Russian . "I know," I replied in my common language, "It's going to be okay. Trust me."

I held him for a long time, ignoring the prying eyes around us. When Lissa had transformed me, I thought I had lost everything. I was constantly engulfed in cruel thoughts about myself. I was a monster, Hans would never redeem my guardian status, and I knew I couldn't allow myself to get close to Rose. She deserved better than what I had been to her. I lost Ivan, and I couldn't make another friend like him. Yet, somehow, I got him back. Maybe things would work out after all for me. I could prove my worth and regain my humanity by helping Ivan.

I released him from the hug and sat next to him, patting his back as he cried. The rest of the room started to come to life after that; Rose quietly ushered everyone out of the living room, helping Sonya up the stairs. Ivan calmed down slightly after we were left alone. He studied his hands as if he'd never seen them before. "Wh-what just happened to me?" he asked tentatively once his sobs died down into the occasional hiccup.

"Uhm," I blinked, trying to decide how best to explain it. He had missed everything that had happened to me in the past two and a half years, and so much had changed in that short amount of time. I didn't quite know how to explain Spirit magic to someone totally out of the loop, but I could try. "Robert, one of the Moroi here, used healing magic to transform you and Sonya. You're both Moroi again."

Ivan gave me a panicked look, "So I… I really was a… I really killed people?" He looked back down at his hands, as if he couldn't believe what he had done with them.

I nodded somberly, seeing the faces of my own victims in my head. "Yes. You really were a Strigoi." Ivan had almost two years on me in terms of killing innocents, I could only imagine his guilt right now. "You weren't yourself," I added as an afterthought. He shook his head, "It was all me, Dimka. I killed countless people. I _enjoyed_ it." Tears threatened to break through as he silently started to sob again. I pursed my lips, "I know." He gave me a strange look, a realization coming over him. "You were… you were a Strigoi too. I had heard you were awakened. When did you, uhm, become a dhampir again? You, uh, seem to be doing okay?" His tone implied it was a question; Ivan was one of the few people who knew my attitude on the outside rarely reflected my inner turmoil.

I scoffed at him, "I'm hardly okay. I was transformed just under a month ago, but I still… well it's just hard." Ivan nodded, "It's my fault they're dead. I should have died the day I was attacked. Instead I killed hundreds."

Hearing the exact words I had been thinking for the last month coming out of Ivan's mouth made me realize how ridiculous it all was, and how I had been torturing myself. "No, Ivan. You didn't ask to be a Strigoi. You were forced into that, and you had no control over what you did in that form. That Strigoi is a completely different person than you are. You just have to live with the memories. But _it wasn't you_!"

Ivan groaned, "Look who's talking! How do you feel with all that blood on your hands?" I flinched at his harsh tone; Ivan was always one of the only people who could give it to me straight. I covered my face in my hands, "I know," I mumbled, "I know, I'm the last person to be talking about redemption or forgiveness… But we've been given a second chance, a chance to protect the ones we love. You have to believe in this second chance, Ivan."

There was a commotion upstairs, distracting us both from the topic at hand. Sydney came down the stairs, staying on the last step and regarding Ivan uncertainly. "Rose wanted me to check on you two, and give you an update. She's with Sonya right now, and the brothers are both asleep in the guest bedroom."

"Rose is the dhampir with you?" Ivan asked in English. Both Sydney and I nodded, "Thank you Sydney. How's Rose after the bite?"

Ivan gasped, "I bit her?" Ivan of course didn't remember biting her, but he showed guilt for it anyway. I hesitated in answering, "Uh no. She let Robert, the Moroi who transformed you, feed off her so he had enough energy to use his magic." Anyone who didn't already know Rose would have been shocked that she would offer her blood like that, and Ivan's reaction just proved my point. "Why would she do that for me?"

Sydney coughed, "Rose is fine, by the way" she interjected, "I'm going back upstairs to be with her." Sydney trompled up the stairs, letting her frustration be known. I sighed, giving my attention back to Ivan, "Rose didn't want to stake you, neither did I. We had a… healer with us so she made sure you were transformed instead. That's just the kind of person Rose is." I didn't mention that I also thought Rose did it just because she knew how much Ivan meant to me, and she still cared about me.

"Woah," Ivan said. "I guess I owe her for that," he muttered, switching back to Russian. I chuckled, "She'll just say you can pay her back by forgiving yourself." Ivan regarded me with an amused expression, "Is that what she told you? So she helped transform you too?" I knew that telling him about Rose's involvement in my transformation would mean that I have to tell him everything about our past relationship, so I kept it at a vague "Something like that."

Ivan seemed to be in a slightly less gloomy mood after that. The room was still clouded in grief and pain, but Ivan looked a lot more happy to be alive than I had when I transformed. We sat leaned up against the wall, sharing our experiences as a Strigoi. I even told him about the victim that haunted me the most; a little girl no older than five years old. She was at a park near dusk. I killed her mother too. Ivan understood it all, and shared his own stories. I didn't even realize it when tears started streaming down my face as I recounted the faces that kept me up at night.

It was a relief to tell another living person about my time as a Strigoi. Ivan didn't judge me, or cower in fear. I was able to express how energetic and ravenous a person's blood made me, but he also understood how all of those feelings no longer existed. I felt the shadow of my Strigoi thirst, companioned by my repulsion of that life.

I'm not sure how much time passed between us, it must have been hours, and by the time Rose came downstairs to ask about dinner the sun had already gone down. We agreed to pizza, since it was the easiest option at the time. The whole time Ivan didn't take his eyes off her, but she only spared him a few glances. I handed Rose the burner phone to order for us and she walked over to the kitchen as she dialed, holding a pamphlet for the pizzeria in her other hand. Once she was out of earshot Ivan gave me a mirthful look, "So when did you two meet?" he asked suggestively. It was already obvious from one look at him that he lusted for her.

I couldn't tell him the whole story about her when she was standing just one room away, so I just shook my head. "It's not like that. And she has a boyfriend," I added extra emphasis on the last part; not sure if that was for his benefit or my own. I didn't want Ivan to pursue Rose for many reasons; she has a boyfriend, we're on a mission and she can't be distracted, it would be awkward for me to see them together, Ivan wouldn't treat Rose with the respect she deserved, and finally, I would be extremely jealous.

"Lots of the girls I've dated have boyfriends," Ivan chuckled. He always had a way with the ladies. His reputation almost matched Adrian's at times. I let out an angry puff of air, "Just drop it, Ivan. Rose isn't interested." I could feel the jealous tendencies already. _Fuck's Sake_ , I thought, _you're turning into a possessive ex._ In all honesty, I was always somewhat possessive of Roza. I always mentally criticized the men that walked into her life, and none of them were ever good enough in my eyes. Before I was turned, I wanted to spend my life proving that I was the man she deserved, but now I just hoped she found happiness with someone who hadn't hurt her like I did. And I knew with 100% certainty that I did not want a lovable playboy like Ivan to even touch Rose.

I may have lost my love for Rose, but the memories of us together gripped me tight, and I knew I would always protect her, always risk my life for her.

Ivan smirked at me, "Wipe that look off your face, Dimka. You want to replace that boyfriend of hers?" I narrowed my eyes at him, but let the rest of my face fall into my blank guardian demeanor. "Of course not," I said in a tone of finality, hoping he would drop the subject.

The Dashkov brothers, Sydney, Sonya and Rose joined us in the living room. We all ate pizza sitting in a circle on the floor. Sydney sat close to Rose, as did Sonya on her other side. The dinner was silent for the most part; not one person tried to make a joke to lighten the mood. I kept my eyes on the recently ex-Strigoi, gaging their moods. Sonya seemed to be taking her transformation fairly well, and kept a pensive but almost serene look on her face as she ate.

Ivan was also pensive, but he also seemed distracted by the brown haired beauty sitting across from him. Rose always had a way of grabbing the attention in the room, for good and bad reasons alike. Ivan wasn't the only one watching her. Victor studied her with the same keen eyes that plotted Lissa's kidnapping. My annoyance with Ivan was hardly enough to distract me from Victor's prying eyes. Rose, thankfully, wasn't bothered by all the looks she was getting. She tried several times to coax Sonya into a conversation, which resulted in a lot of one word answers and non-committed shrugs.

The relative silence was broken by Ivan, he cleared his throat to grab everyone's attention. "I don't believe we have all been introduced. I," he stated grandly, holding a hand to his heart, "am Ivan Zeklos. I know Dimka here, and Sonya. But I don't know the rest of you. Let's start with the alchemist in the room. What is your name?" he asked pointing to Sydney. Sydney shrunk into herself slightly, "I'm Sydney." Ivan nodded encouragingly but Sydney didn't say anything else.

"Okay…" he drawled. "And you're Rose, correct?" she nodded, "And how did you end up with this big lug?" Ivan jabbed a thumb in my direction. Rose coughed to stifle a laugh at Ivan's comment, "Dimitri?" the humor in her voice was quickly replaced by a hopelessness, "He, uh, used to be…" she gave me an awkward glance before directing her eyes to the ground, "my mentor. He helped me train to become a guardian," she said softly. There was a lump in my throat which I tried to swallow but dammit the woman still got a reaction out of me, even after just a few words.

Ivan lifted an eyebrow at Rose's strange tone. Before Ivan could ask another question, Victor inserted himself into the conversation. "A mentor, huh?" he asked, feigning ignorance, "is that what that call it these days?" He chuckled at his own joke. I locked my jaw, preventing myself from giving in to Victor's games. If I defended myself, I would only make myself seem more guilty of a relationship I'm not involved in anymore. Rose didn't look up from the ground for the rest of dinner.

After Sonya declared she was full and wanted to get sleep, Rose was quick to follow her up to the bedroom, and Sydney followed Rose. I heard a door close from upstairs, and suspected the three women would be barricading themselves from the men here all night. Victor and his brother went back to the guest bedroom, leaving Ivan and myself in the living room. I didn't mind, the sliding door in the kitchen was still shattered thanks to our grand entrance, so I would have to stay awake and alert while Rose got rest.

Ivan sprawled himself on the couch, leaving me to curl up on the recliner Sonya had been chained to earlier. A small movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I looked over to see Ivan wagging his feet at me, laying back on the couch with his arms behind his head. "So how've you been, Dimka? I mean, I've been a Strigoi this whole time, but you have almost two and a half years to tell me about!"

I grinned involuntarily. I wanted to be happy for Ivan's seemingly quick recovery, but his jovial attitude unsettled me. Still, I wasn't going to miss out on a conversation with him. "After you… died, I spent two months back home with my mamma and sisters. I probably would have stayed there longer, but Babushka said I had to do something useful with my life," I chuckled at the memory of my grandmother calling me lazy and demanding I get over my 'crush' on Ivan. "After that I applied with the Court for a new charge. They didn't get back to me right away, but then Alberta Petrov contacted me and offered to make me Princess Vasilisa Dragomir's charge."

Ivan sat up in shock, "No way! I heard about her running away… the last of the Dragomirs out in the wild… the Strigoi were going crazy looking for her. You're her guardian now?" the question made me flinch; his ignorance of the past year's events made me realize how crazy and ridiculous it all was. When had things gotten so out of control? "No, I'm not her guardian at the moment. It's really complicated. You need to let me explain in chronological order, or it won't make sense." Ivan stayed silent, so I took that as a sign to continue with my story.

I went into all the details I could remember that seemed important. I told him how I led a team to track down the princess and her unruly friend, and our capture of them in Portland. I told him how I vouched for Rose before she could get expelled from the academy, and I became her mentor. I explained Spirit, even going as far to tell him about Sonya and how she chose to become a Strigoi because of the madness. I didn't tell him about the bond between Lissa and Rose, though. Ivan nodded along, listening intently as I recounted Victor's kidnapping of Lissa, and how five students were kidnapped by Strigoi last New Year's, but there were only four alive when we found them.

I did my best to tell him everything without going into detail about Rose or my feelings for her. As it was, even taking a walk down memory lane forced me to think of how much Rose had always meant to me. I recalled perfectly my dread and panic when Rose was announced missing, and my secondhand grief when I found her huddled over her dead friend.

I told Ivan vaugly about Rose's struggles at the academy after that, completely leaving out the night we shared in the cabin. Images I tried to forget which were forever plastered in my mind of Rose, naked beneath me, offering me her body and all the love she had to give. I had gladly taken her offer then, and thinking about it now only made me more upset when I remembered my refusal to speak to her in my jail cell. The way I turned her away in the church…

I was silent for a while, my head caught up in the twist of events that made me lose the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. My fist was clenched, my knuckles white when I cleared my throat. "Then the academy was attacked. I'm sure you've heard about it," the attack at St Vladimirs was hot news in the Strigoi world. "We staged a rescue mission the next day after receiving intel that Strigoi were holding captives in the caves nearby. It was in the cave that… that I faltered. A Strigoi named Nathan got me by surprise and that was the end for me. Of course, until I was transformed." I finished my story with my teeth clenched; Ivan probably assumed I was upset about being turned, but I was still thinking about Rose.

Ivan shook his head in quiet amazement, "Sounds like a pretty exciting couple of years. But no special friends? No one to share a bed with?" Ivan rose his eyebrows in true concern for my sex life, or lack thereof. My shoulders sagged, "Uh, yeah, actually." I spared a to the staircase. He practically bounced in his seat in anticipation. "Tell me!" he begged.

I shook my head, "That's an even longer story, and not one for tonight."

Ivan appeared put out by my coolness on the topic and layed back down, but didn't press it anymore. I leaned back in the chair and stretched out my aching muscles. "Dimka?" Ivan asked. I was skeptical of what question he might ask, but after a couple seconds I finally offered a reluctant, "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad we're both alive. Good night, brother."

"Good night, brother," I half whispered, a small smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.

After a couple minutes I could hear Ivan softly snoring. Usually, I welcomed lonely guard shifts where I could be alone with my thoughts, but I knew tonight would be difficult. There was so much to think about now. I still couldn't even wrap my head around having my best friend back in my life. But now all of his innocent questioning has led me down a path I try to stay away from… Roza.

I couldn't prevent the thoughts from coming now, it was like a dam had been broken, and now my mind was flooding. Mostly I thought about the day in church, when my words had made her run away from me on the verge of tears. I wanted to protect her from myself, by keeping her at a safe distance. She deserved better than me even before I was awakened. Even after I kidnapped her and played with her like a cat with a mouse, she stayed true, when she should have tossed me out like year old cheese. I never thought I would approve of someone like Adrian Ivaskov for Rose, but my initial thought in the jail cell was that at least he wasn't a monster like me. Now, looking at Ivan, I knew that I could never think of him as a monster, and my comforting words to him were perfectly logical. So why couldn't I say the same for myself?

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, mostly at myself. I lost my Roza. I had to let her go, the same way she needed to give up on me.

It wasn't long before my thoughts manifested and the real Rose came downstairs and stood before me. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with the heel of her palm and used her other hand to toss me a blanket. "Time for my shift," she mumbled softly and settled into the other recliner in the room. I kicked off my boots and pulled the blanket around me, it was still warm from when Rose had been curled up in it. Seeing Rose wear exhaustion like a designer brand made me feel empathetic and grateful for her strength. I knew all of this must be hard on her, but she wasn't complaining.

"Rose?" I asked tentatively. She stopped pulling at a loose thread on her shirt and looked up, "Yeah?" I gave her a grateful smile, "Thank you, for bringing Ivan back to me." Her face contorted with angry bafflement, but she quickly controlled her features into the famous guardian mask. "I didn't do anything, Dimitri." She looked like she wanted to say more, but she sent her gaze to the window still covered in a blackout curtain.

Her reaction confused me, but I didn't want to make her even more upset, so I dropped it. I pulled the blanket tighter around me and closed my eyes, hoping that I didn't have dreams when I fell asleep.

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	2. Part 2

**Hello my loves! This chapter is long overdue. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

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I drifted through various dreams that night. My favorite one was when Rose, Adrian, Ivan, Tasha and myself were playing pool in a crowded basement clouded with smoke, all of us speaking in fluent Russian and complaining about final exams in the morning. It all made sense in my unconscious, something about it feeling undeniably right. I didn't think it odd when Rose threw her drink at Adrian, or that Ivan sang Karaoke songs in English without a Russian accent. There were neon signs in Cyrillic all over the place, easing my nostalgia for home.

The scene didn't last, though, and soon I was dreaming of other familiar faces. Any semblance of peace was shattered as I watched myself hunt unsuspecting people going about their daily lives. I felt trapped in my own mind; not knowing a way out and unable to wake up. The hunts morphed together; the settings no longer matching the person from that night. The little girl from the park was now pressed up against a wall in an alleyway, the drunken slob from the bar was now running in heels to the safety of his car, and so it went.

The nightmare finally ended when my muscles spasmed and I felt my whole body jerk, like I was being pushed from a moving vehicle. My mind went blank for a few seconds, barely processing the muffled sobs I heard.

I also heard Rose's voice speaking quietly, almost a whisper, easing me into an even more relaxed slumber. "You're still innocent," her voice was a warm caress, filling my veins and flowing through me. "I've seen what the blood does to people… good people. They get a drop of it and they're no longer themselves. You didn't have a choice, you were…" she sighed in frustration, searching for the right words. _Go on_ , I thought, _tell me what I was_.

"You were the victim just as much as the people whose lives you took. I get the guilt, though. It can't be easy, coming back to your morals after living like that."

Her words draped themselves around me, and I found myself agreeing with Rose.

Lazily, my conscious mind was contributing to the dream now. In my mind, I saw her holding me the same way I once held her when she struggled with Mason's ghost following her. I wished it was real, that Rose could be my salvation once again. As it was, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.

A voice different than my own but familiar in it's own way responded, "No, it's not easy." My mind quickly adjusted to bring Ivan into the dream, too. "I'm sorry for, uh, almost hitting you," Ivan said with a thick accent. Rose breathed out a small laugh, "Don't worry about it. Keeps me on my toes. I should probably get everyone else up now anyway."

There was a shift in the room, the creaking of floorboards as footsteps grew louder. Moments later I felt a hand close around my shoulder and shake gently. My whole body tensed and my eyes flew open to see Rose looking down at me with a humorous smile on her lips. She released her hold and held up her hands in mock defense, "Woah there, comrade. It's just me." I leaned back in the chair, letting reality sink in. A scan of the room reminded me of where I really was, shattering the dreamlike state. Ivan was propped up on the couch, watching me curiously. His eyes were puffy and he ran the back of his hand underneath his nose.

I looked back and forth from Rose and Ivan, slowly accepting that I had actually woken up from my nightmare when I felt my body spasm, and the last part of my "sleep" wasn't a lucid dream. Rose had really said all of those wonderful things that I took to heart, only she said it for Ivan.

Rose gave me a concerned look, but I schooled my face into my normal guardian mask before I could give away what I was feeling. "Hey, I'm going to go get the rest of our party up," she said gently, the concerned look still clouded her features. I could tell she was waiting for me to say something, and my simple "Okay" didn't satisfy her. She chewed on her lip, debating pushing it further.

"Well," she continued softly, "we still need to talk to Sonya." Rose gave me a meaningful look before disappearing up the stairs. I relaxed once she left the room and took her piercing gaze with her. With all the turmoil, I had completely forgotten our original goal in finding and transforming Sonya.

I stretched my arms and yawned, hoping for my disappointment to fade like my grogginess would.

"You had a nightmare," Ivan stated matter of factly. I looked over to see him rearranging the pillows on the couch to avoid eye contact with me. "How do you know?" I asked, tossing the blanket off of me and standing. Ivan shrugged, "You were kind of mumbling in your sleep. We would have woken you up but you got quiet real quick."

I didn't say anything, and Ivan took that to mean I was upset, which I was, but he didn't know the real reason behind it. "Hey," he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish expression on his face, "if it, uh, makes you feel better, I had a nightmare too."

I folded up the blanket and tossed it on the recliner instead of answering. Ivan came over and nudged my shoulder, "Do you still play pool?" he asked in a more confident tone. I simply shrugged, "Not really. I tried playing a couple games after you... died, but it wasn't the same without you cheating me every game." He bellowed out a laugh, God how I missed that sound. I felt a smile pull at the corners of my mouth; feeling lighter with Ivan here, my jokes didn't seem as half-assed when I told them to him.

"I never cheated, Dimka, you just suck at pool." I shook my head and held my hand out to him with a low chuckle, "We need to settle this once and for all. First chance we get, okay?" Ivan smirked at me and shook my hand forcefully. "You have got yourself a deal."

We heard footsteps nearing us and we both turned to see Rose and the others coming down the stairs. Ivan was still watching them when he said, "May the best man win," and I don't think he was talking about pool anymore. Involuntarily, my muscles tensed at his tone. Suddenly I felt threatened, like my place in this chaotic world was going to be shifted.

Rose had her arm linked with Sonya, she gave me a sharp nod as she led the Moroi into the kitchen area, their heads leaned in close to each other in deep conversation, both oblivious to the tension in the room.

I didn't know whether to trust Rose alone with Sonya, her line of questioning would be a lot more direct and aggressive than if she'd let me handle it.

They were in the kitchen for a long time, my anxiety increasing with every minute. What if Sonya refused to help us find the Dragomir child? We've already come so far, and I didn't want to let Lissa down.

Ivan stayed close to me the entire time as I only half paid attention to the Dashkov brothers and Sydney. He struck up a conversation with me about our mutual friends, asking about their lives now, and I welcomed the distraction. It was a fairly easy distraction, too. I only hesitated when Ivan asked about Tasha's crush on me.

"Did she ever make a move on you?" he asked. I groaned internally, but a slight pursing of my lips was the only outside indication of my discomfort. "She asked me to be her guardian last Christmas…" If Ivan had a drink in his mouth he would have spit it out. "You didn't tell me that last night!" His voice was filled with agitation and excitement, but the meaning behind my omission dawned on him. His face fell. "You turned her down, didn't you?"

I nodded slowly, I was so focused on the parts of my story that involved Rose in one way or another that I had completely forgotten to mention Tasha to him last night. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief and blew out a large puff of air, "Wow. That was… stupid of you." I flexed the muscles in my forearms and made a fist, resisting the urge to snap back at him. "I don't regret it, if that's what you're thinking," I muttered softly.

Before Ivan could speak, Rose appeared in the doorway and tossed something at me. "Think fast!" she yelled enthusiastically. I caught a set of keys, at the same time raising an eyebrow at her.

Rose offered me a victorious smirk, the same gleeful look she'd given me whenever she took me down in a sparring match. My heart skipped a beat seeing that smirk- seeing the old, carefree Rose ghosting her now exhausted features.

"Let's get going comrade, Sonya's taking us to the Dragomir kid."

* * *

"GO GO GO!" Rose shouted as she slammed the backseat door of the SUV, securing her and Sydney inside and dropping the plastic bags unceremoniously on the floor. I would have jumped to action immediately if it weren't for both women uncontrollably giggling. I gave Rose an _are-you-serious_ look, "What did you do?" I asked in an peeved tone. She rolled her eyes at me, a huge grin still plastered on her face. "Well, if you don't leave now, we're all in _big_ trouble. Sooooo… start the damn car and DRIVE!" She fell back into her seat, gripping Sydney's arm and laughing even harder, the kind of laugh that looked like an ab workout.

We were in Sydney's SUV in the parking lot of a superstore. I hadn't wanted to stop on our road trip, but I was outvoted… by everyone. Rose argued that we needed to get food, which I couldn't really dispute. I had reluctantly taken the first exit off the highway and opted to stay in the car with Ivan and Sonya while Rose took Sydney and the Dashkov brothers into the store.

The girls' laughter was inevitably intoxicating, and soon enough Sonya, Ivan and I were laughing too at their ridiculousness.

The source of our laughter appeared in the rearview mirror in the form of two men speed walking to the car. I instantly stopped laughing and gave Rose an accusatory glare. "You ditched the brothers in the store!" I seethed, truly pissed at her stunt. Rose's eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights and whipped her head around to look out the back window. "Fuck! I thought we would have more time." she exclaimed. She turned to me in a panic, all humor vanished, "Listen, Dimitri, if you want to get rid of them, this is your only chance. Start the car before they get here." She gripped the headrest of my seat, silently begging me with big doe eyes.

I weighed the options in my head. I _did_ want the Dashkov brothers gone, now that they weren't needed, as if Rose's pleading look wasn't convincing enough. Yet my instinct as a trained guardian wouldn't let me abandon two defenseless Moroi. Apparently I wasn't deciding fast enough because Rose moved her hand down and gripped my arm. "Dimitri," she implored, "do you really want to drag them around with us? We don't need them."

The part of me still dedicated to protecting Moroi went into overdrive. I glared at Rose, refusing to start the car. What she'd done was irresponsible and put the brothers at risk. Not that I would mind much if a random strike of lightning hit Victor…

Rose narrowed her eyes at me, knowing full well she had already lost this battle. With a _humph_ she sat back in her seat and stared at the window with her jaw clenched.

The brothers reached the car and opened the door. Once they awkwardly climbed into their seats, we hit the road again, with Rose not speaking to any of us. Just as well. I was still pretty mad myself.

At some point I looked in the mirror to see the Dashkov brothers and Rose sleeping in their seats; Rose with her elbow on the armrest and her fist propping her head up. I found myself stealing glances at her at least three times each minute. It was rare to see Rose so relaxed, and after all the stress and pain she's been through it was a relief to see her in a more peaceful state. I couldn't look away from her, with messy hair and her mouth hanging slightly open.

Beautiful, I thought.

Looking at her then, I knew that if I got another chance, I would try. I would do everything I could, spend every last breath being what she deserved.

But I wasn't there when she needed me most, and Adrian was.

As much as I tried to deny it, I knew that I would lay down my life for her, and not because I'm sworn to protect, but because I can't stand the thought of her being harmed. The L word floated around in my mind, mostly as an abstract thought that I refused to form into something more concrete.

I spent hours glancing back and forth from the road to the woman in the rearview mirror.

I was about to suggest we get off the highway at the next exit when Sonya directed me to the exit anyway. She puffed out some air, "I think that's enough driving for today. Let's find a hotel and get some rest."

"No hotel," Sonya chimed in. "We don't have time to make sure a location is secure. It will be much safer to find a campground."

"Camping?" Ivan asked with a disgusted look on his face. He looked to me, hoping I would back him up. I actually didn't mind the idea of sleeping outdoors, but I knew Ivan was a royal through and through. His prissiness showed in moments like these.

I shrugged, "If it's safer, then that's what we'll do. Sydney can you find a store that sells tents and camping equipment?" She nodded, already staring intently at her phone screen.

"So it's settled," Sonya said. "And since we'll be spending the night together, I'd like to know a bit more of how you ended up searching for Vasilisa's sibling. Who told you about the child, anyway?" she directed the questions at me.

Ivan jumped in, "Yeah, and why aren't you at Court right now?"

After that I was bombarded with questions. I answered their questions as simply as possible, but with the situation being so complex, the whole story soon began to unravel. One question led to another and so forth, until…

"She murdered the queen?!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Shh! She's still sleeping," I hissed, checking in the mirror to confirm he hadn't woken her up. "And I didn't say she did it, only that she was accused and sent to jail to await trial. Vasilisa is working inside the Court to find out who framed her."

"So she _didn't_ murder the queen?" Ivan asked, while his voice was quiet his tone was gradually increasing.

I sighed, not knowing how much more of this I could take.

"No, Ivan. Rose is innocent."

"I bet she's not _that_ innocent," he commented suggestively.

If he were anyone else, literally anyone except for my best friend, I would have pulled over and punched him. Instead I just gritted my teeth. "Don't talk about her like that, you don't know her," I warned in a low voice, almost a growl.

Ivan snorted and rolled his eyes, "Oh c'mon, Dimka! I'm just messing around. She's not your student anymore, you don't have to be all protective."

My knuckles were pure white I was gripping the steering wheel so hard. I knew I had to tell Ivan about me and Rose, even if I wasn't ready to talk about it. If I tell him everything, he'll have to stop getting on my nerves like this.

"Woah," Sonya breathed, "Dimitri, your aura…"

I loosened my grip by a fraction. "What about it?" I asked harshly. Sonya didn't flinch or even blink at my tone, she met my gaze in the mirror and smiled fractionally. "I don't know what just happened, but some of the darkness in your aura vanished. There one second and POOF, gone the next. Ivan has the same darkness around him, so do I. It must be a coming back from being a Strigoi thing, but you have a lot less darkness than us, probably because you've had more time to heal. And getting angry at Ivan just now… I think it healed you somehow."

* * *

"You only got three tents?" Sydney asked Ivan in disbelief as we unloaded the SUV. Ivan nodded, "One for the brothers, one for me and Dimitri, and one for the girls… hey, what'd I do wrong?" He called after her but Sydney had already walked to the center of the campsite where Rose and Sonya were arranging kindling for a fire.

Sydney made a comment to Rose that I couldn't hear, but whatever it was it made Rose walk over to us. She smiled empathetically at Ivan, "I don't know how much you know about the Alchemists, but they don't like being around vampires too much. The tent deal might be an issue… making her share a tent with a dhampir _and_ a Moroi is a big deal for her." Rose gave me an exasperated look. Since I was the one to go shopping for the tents with Ivan, I was to blame here.

Ivan's shoulders sagged, "Shit. I wasn't thinking. I mean… I did get you girls the biggest tent, so she can space herself out…?" Rose shook her head and laughed at his uncertain tone as she reached for one of the tent bags. "Now that I've met you, I'm surprised you and you," she nodded her head in my direction, "were ever friends. Polar opposites."

I chuckled, grabbing the tent next to Rose's, "Some could say the same for you and Lissa."

Rose smirked at me, "I have no idea what you're talking about, comrade. I'm a perfect angel." She took the tent and walked back to the center of the campsite. Ivan shuffled closer to me so no one else would hear him say, "Yeah, an angel that could kill you."

Ivan and I set up our tent effortlessly before helping Victor and Robert set their tent up. Rose set up the girls' tent while Sydney and Sonya started a fire, just in time for the sunset. Ivan nudged my shoulder, he was facing the forest, blocking the other's view of him. He flashed me a cheeky grin before pulling a pack of chocolate bars out from under his sweatshirt. "The crackers and marshmallows are in the car. Shall we?"

Ivan had never had s'mores before, so I suggested we get the ingredients while we were at the store. It was his idea to surprise everyone with them, and I went along because the small gift would make them happy, I hoped. I smiled, thinking of the look on Rose's face when I presented her with chocolate. I didn't get that chance though.

Ivan walked over to Rose and offered her some chocolate, as he did he leaned in to whisper something to her that made her giggle. "You better be glad my boyfriend didn't hear you say that," Rose said. Ivan put his hands on his hips, "Now why does everyone keep telling me that? Where is this invisible boyfriend of yours?"

Rose only smiled wider, "Doubt his existence all you want, but be careful. If he thinks you're putting moves on me he'll haunt your dreams." She winked before turning to Sydney to offer up some chocolate.

Ivan turned to me while Rose wasn't looking and flashing me a victorious grin, somehow thinking that he was making progress with her.

The competitive part of me wanted to prove my strength to Ivan, but I felt guilty that it revolved around Rose. I knew that two friends competing for a girl's affection was wrong- especially if that girl already has a boyfriend. Rose isn't just some prize, but that doesn't mean I won't fight for her.

Ivan finally gave up and walked back to the car to get the s'mores stuff. Everyone found a place to sit on the ground around the campfire, Sydney strategically placed herself in between Rose and myself, the only two she trusted here. We passed around the s'mores, Victor filled the silence with mindless banter, but I noticed how intently Rose was listening to him as she stuffed her face with marshmallows.

"Young Vasilisa will make a great queen," Victor was saying, "she will unite people of different beliefs. The beautiful Queen Alexandra reincarnated. She will reign with a most _forgiving_ nature-"

Rose coughed loudly and clutched her chest, "You don't honestly think Lissa will forgive _you_ and let you back in Court? As soon as she finds your location you'll be behind bars again." Everyone was invested in the banter now, looking at Victor expectantly. "I'm not so sure about that, Rosemarie, seeing as she, with your help, was so gracious as to help me get out of Tarasov in the first place."

I suppressed a gasp, Victor had just confirmed what I had already suspected. The others in the circle, however, were much more vocal about their surprise. "What?" Ivan exclaimed, and at the same time Sonya choked on her s'more.

Rose never broke eye contact with Victor, her mood considerably worse than it was just a moment ago. "That was a temporary situation. We got the information we needed. You can go back to rotting in hell for all I care." Rose's tone would chill a Strigoi to the bone, her threat was plain and clear.

Victor only chuckled in that annoying way of his. His gaze brushed over me as he spoke, "Yes, you got the information you needed, but did you get want you wanted out of it?" Victor dragged his gaze back to Rose, but Victor's double meaning didn't go unnoticed. Ivan turned to me, a shocked and confused look on his face. I shook my head fractionally without drawing too much attention to myself. All the while I was panicking, turning Victor's words over in my head.

Rose broke Victor out of prison, and now I knew why. Robert. Robert was a spirit user capable of transforming Strigoi to their original state. Victor and Robert were with Rose and Lissa in Vegas, about a week before I was transformed. I looked over to Rose, studying her. Once again, I had underestimated her. My heart clenched when I thought of the fact that she did all of that to get me back.

Rose cut me a sideways look before standing up and brushing the dirt off her clothes. The circled remained silent as Rose went to the girls' tent and crawled in. "I'll end you myself, Dashkov," she muttered before zipping the tent closed.

No one talked much after that. I knew that as soon as the others fell asleep, I wouldn't be able to avoid Ivan's questions.

Once the fire started to die down, the brothers went to sit in their tent with the fabric door hanging open. Rose opened the fabric door on her tent to let the other girls in; Sonya and Rose both went to sleep but Sydney laid on her stomach and watched the fire.

Ivan nodded to the brothers, "Do you think they speak Russian?" he asked in Russian. I remembered reading Victor's file a long time ago, giving me access to more information than most guardians could get. I shook my head, "The one only speaks Romanian, I'm not sure about the other one." Ivan nodded, "Good, then we can talk freely now."

I sighed, "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Everything, I want to know why you get so weird around Rose and what makes _her_ different than any other pretty dhampir, and why Victor was looking at you oddly... from the beginning" he stated. I groaned internally, "That's a lot."

Ivan leaned into me, "Exactly!" he hissed, "I've been alive again for one whole day and you're already keeping things from me. You never change," he mumbled. The glow of the fire accented his features, emphasizing his rage at me.

"I just like to keep things to myself, you know that," I said defensively. Ivan gave me a mirthless look. I sighed again, resigning myself to telling him what I've never said aloud before.

"So like I said last night, I was assigned to find the princess, that's when I met Rose. I thought she was strong. Not physically at first, she'd been out of training for a while, so she wouldn't have lasted long in a fight. The night we met she was weak from the endor-" I quickly cut myself off. _Shit_ , I thought. I had no right to tell Ivan about Rose giving blood.

Too late. Ivan wasn't stupid. His eyes widened, "Endorphins?" he asked in disbelief. "She was high?" I nodded slowly, "She's not a blood whore," I said firmly, "but while they were on the run, Rose was the only source of blood for Lissa. It was how she survived. Anyway," I said dismissively, eager to get off the topic, "The headmistress at St Vladimir's wanted to expel Rose when we returned, but she agreed to let her stay and study there if I was willing to train her before and after classes so that she could catch up to her classmates.

"I didn't want to see that potential thrown away, and I saw how much she cared about the princess. I agreed to train her… if only I'd known what I was getting myself into…"

I continued the epic tale of how I grew to admire Rose, and then before I could blink, I was in love with her. I got wrapped up in the story, suddenly remembering the smallest details. I took my time with the story, giving Ivan details I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else. I told him about the conversation we had in the car the day we took the princess and Natalie to the mall, and the dress she wore to the dance, the lust charm, my jealousy over Mason, Spokane, when Rose started seeing ghosts… All the memories that were too sad to think of, and all the ones that were too happy for me to deserve reliving.

Saying the words aloud made me nostalgic for all the times I held Rose in my arms, the few times I could kiss her. These were the same memories I had obsessed over as a Strigoi, only now I longed for the human contact and not the blood rushing through her veins when I thought of her.

Ivan nodded along, listening to my version of events. Out of respect for Rose, I kept the details about the night in the cabin vague. However, I didn't have a problem telling Ivan the intimate details of our time in Siberia, though I tried hard to keep the emotions out of my voice. If Ivan was going to understand how I fell in love with Rose, he needed to understand the reasons why we aren't together now (other than Adrian). I ended the story with Lissa asking me to run away with Rose, which lead us here.

Ivan didn't say anything for a while, processing all of the information I had just told him. I gazed at the dying embers of the campfire, patiently waiting for Ivan to say anything. I felt a pair of eyes on me and looked up to see Sydney studying me intently. I thought that by now she would have gone to sleep. She was still staring at me with a blank expression when Ivan spoke.

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah, I know."

"I mean it. I get that you needed some space when you were restored. But you shouldn't have pushed her away, Dimka. You're also a hypocrite."

"How so?"

"You taught Rose about Strigoi. How they lose their humanity and become something their not. Then _you_ go and hold yourself accountable for hurting Rose. She must have known she was in danger when she went to hunt you… you have no responsibility for what happened."

"But I still can't live with the idea that-"

"Plus you still want her. I know you do. I mean, I didn't really see it before, but now it's obvious. It explains why you had a stick up your butt when I was checking her out."

I laughed without humor. "You're right," I admitted. "I want her back. I want everything we promised to each other months ago." I couldn't believe I was saying the words aloud. "But it doesn't matter now." Ivan raised his eyebrows, "And why not?"

I scoffed, "Because she's dating Adrian! And from what Lissa's told me, she _really_ likes Adrian. He's not just some fling; it might have been for fun at first but now… now it's serious." Ivan gave me a look of disgust and pity, " _How_ serious? He's a royal Moroi, it can't be that bad." The way he said "royal" implied what we all thought about dhampir relationships with Moroi of status; they weren't meant to last. Again, I felt guilty for invading Rose's privacy, but I needed to talk to someone about what was bothering me. "He bit her" I confessed, "Sexually, I think not like when she gave blood to Lissa. I saw the marks on her neck the morning she was arrested, and when I commented on it she didn't deny he bit her. She just told me it was none of my business."

Ivan took a deep breath, "Shit, man." I nodded in agreement. Shit is right. I looked back over to the tent where Rose was sleeping, and saw that Sydney was still watching me. She was starting to make me uncomfortable, and I hoped she would go to sleep soon. Ivan clapped me on the shoulder, tearing me away from Sydney's gaze. "Thank you for telling me all that. I should have laid off Rose when you told me to. I'm going to get some sleep, but you need to do some hard thinking about what you're going to do to get your life back in order" he said lightly, but I knew he was being serious.

"Goodnight, Ivan" I said in an exasperated tone. Ivan crawled into our tent and laid down. I would wake up Rose in a couple hours so that I could get some rest before we hit the road again. The last red glow from the embers in the fire were almost completely out now, and the air had gotten progressively colder throughout the night.

"She's a good girl," Sydney said into the night, so softly I barely heard her. It took me a moment to process that she had said the words in fluent Russian. I sighed, "I forgot that you speak Russian" I admitted, ashamed I had so blatantly let another person hear me discuss Rose, "I suppose you're going to tell her about this?"

Sydney shook her head "Your friend is right, you're an idiot. Just do the right thing, and let Rose make the decisions from there." She turned on her side and curled into herself, firmly ending the conversation as she tried to fall asleep.

The bugs made a lot of noise in the dead air as I pondered what Sydney had said. Their constant ringing almost matched the noise inside my head. Would the right thing be to simply tell Rose how I feel, and let her live with that? Or was I to get down on my knees and beg for a second chance? I could do either of those right now, yet every moment I spent near her I wanted to do the latter option more.

I had plenty to occupy my mind; I found that studying the features of the woods surrounding me helped to keep me relatively calm while my thoughts were in turmoil. We must have been near a city though, because the sky was washed out and the stars weren't visible. Shame, I could have gone for some stargazing right now.

When I woke Rose up, about three hours later, I debated telling her what was on my mind right then and there, while everyone else slept. But I held back, Rose had enough on her mind right now, and didn't need me complicating things. With a heart full of regret, I went to my tent and pulled a fleece blanket over me.

I fell into the blackness of sleep quickly, hoping again for a dreamless night. No such luck for me; almost as soon as I felt my body relax I found myself standing in the same suite where I held Rose captive for weeks. Every detail was exactly the same here, the only difference was that Rose wasn't with me.

"Where are we?" Adrian Ivashkov asked, roaming about the room and studying the features. Without a doubt I knew I had fallen into one of his Spirit dreams.

* * *

 **I finally got in some writing time! I've had this chapter floating in my head for over a month now, and I apologize for keeping you guys waiting. For those of you still in school, how is the beginning of your school year? I can't believe how fast this semester is going. Sorry if the writing style in this chapter seems rushed, but I had a lot of ideas to get down... so yeah, I rushed. Oops.**

 **I'm curious, now that you've met Ivan (or at least, my version of him), what do you think of him? I THINK IVAN DESERVES LOVE. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHO DESERVES HIM YET AHHHHHHHHHGGGGGG.**

 **The plot thickens! Let me know what you think (REVIEW PLEASE)!**


	3. Part 3

**It's been too long! I apologize for the wait, but this chapter was not my friend. No matter which way I was twisting the words or changing the tone, it just wasn't coming out how I wanted it, but I finally got past that block and produced this :)**

 **In this chapter you'll start to see the butterfly effect that Ivan creates in this story, so while I did take some lines straight from the book, things are starting to turn out differently than the book.**

* * *

 _This can't be real,_ I thought. Adrian was still roaming around the room with a lazy curiosity. His hair was a mess as usual, though I got the feeling that tonight it wasn't from purposefully styling it that way. There were dark rings under his eyes, and I knew he couldn't have been completely drunk or he wouldn't be able to dream walk.

I'm not sure if I was more nervous about being in this room or being alone with Adrian. I hid my apprehension by straightening out my back and standing taller. I was on high alert, unsure of why Adrian would want to talk to me.

The extremely dark tinted windows caught Adrian's attention, and he stopped his prowl of the room to study them. He gave me a questioning glance but didn't mention them. "Where are we?" he asked again. Instead of answering his question I asked my own, "Why are we here?"

Adrian shrugged, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets to appear casual. "I sometimes let the other person's subconscious come up with the setting. I was interested to see where you would take us. What is this place?" He pulled out a box of cloves and a lighter from his pocket. I briefly wondered if smoking in a spirit dream was just as bad as the real thing.

"We're in Russia," I said, knowing that he wouldn't be able to discern too much from that answer; I did grow up there, after all. Adrian brought the cigarette to his mouth and lit it. He took a long drag before blowing the smoke out in the air between us, his eyes scrunched up as he scrutinized me. The polluted air floated in front of me but didn't have the same vulgar scent it did in the waking world.

"So I just got out of a spirit dream with Rose," he said, leaving the unfinished statement hanging over my head. _Shit_ , I thought. God knows what Rose told him.

His casual demeanor did nothing to hide his agitation. Adrian for once looked exasperated by me, when it was usually the other way around. He wasn't just annoyed though; if I could read auras I would guess his would contain a darkness that even spirit couldn't conjure.

"She may have let it slip that you are no longer in West Virginia. She also mentioned the names Sonya Karp, Victor Dashkov, Robert Doru, even some _Zeklos_ guy? Are you planning on taking in every fugitive and Strigoi you can find to start a band?" Adrian paused, letting the words hang in the air just like the poisonous smoke that came from his cigarette. I had no reason to believe Adrian would keep this information to himself.

For all I knew, he already got word to _Zmey_ somehow that his daughter wasn't in her safe hiding spot. I briefly wondered how much getting castrated would hurt. Still, I didn't say anything, I simply met his hard, accusatory glare with my guardian mask.

Adrian grew impatient and twirled his hand in a motion for me to hurry up. "Well?" he asked, his voice raised more now.

"Well, what?" I asked evenly.

Adrian took another drag of the cigarette, smoke coming out of his mouth as he spoke, "What _the fuck_ is what! _We_ trusted _you_ to keep Rose safe! Do you not know what that means?" He stepped closer to me, pointing at me with the cigarette pinched between his fingers. "Because I don't think a sociopathic convict and some royal tagging along with you is _safe_. What if he turns you in?"

I would never admit it to Adrian, but we shared the same fears. "He won't turn us in," I said with more confidence than I actually felt. "We're looking for something… someone, and Victor wants to meet this person just as badly as we do, so he needs us for now."

Adrian threw his arms up in frustration, "Yeah. For now. _For now_. What happens when he doesn't need you? What happens when one of you gives away your location? Lissa and Abe spent two weeks researching that safe hotel, and you just up and left it!" He paused to run a hand through his hair, composing himself as he did so. "Who is so great that you would risk everything to meet them?" he asked, more out of anger than curiosity.

"That's not important right now," I said. Adrian narrowed his eyes, taking my dismissal as a challenge. "Like hell it isn't. This person is important enough that Rose is risking her own life to go get them. She's only done that for one other person before." He gave me a pointed look. I fought my instinct to swallow or look down in shame.

He shook his head and flounced down on the sofa. The anger bled out of him slowly, like watching a air mattress with a hole lose it's air. The anger was replaced by a hopelessness. "I can't stand knowing that she's not safe," he said quietly.

The image before me was disturbing to say the least. Adrian sitting on the same sofa I would drink from Rose on. Adrian looking destitute and broken in the same room I tortured his girlfriend. He had no idea what I had done to her. Or did he? I couldn't blame her if she told him everything about her time with my Strigoi self.

Suddenly I wondered how far his feelings went for her. All this time I'd only been thinking of their relationship in terms of Rose's feelings, but I had to acknowledge how invested Adrian was in it. I wanted to know how devoted he was, but at the same time I didn't want to be that asshole who asks the question.

I chose instead to comfort him, because I knew what it was like to wonder if Rose was in danger. "Well she's safe for now, at least. We're camping out tonight. No one will find us at a campground." I didn't want to stand over him as I said this, so I sat in the armchair I used to read Western's in while Rose slept.

"Like I said… we're helping Rose look for someone. Once we find this person, she might be able to come back to Court," I explained slowly, wondering if I should be telling Adrian any of this. I chased that thought away; he already knew too much, there was no point in keeping him in the dark at this point.

Adrian looked up, dumbfounded, "But we haven't found who killed my aunt yet." I shrugged, "It's a crazy plan, but when Rose has a crazy plan it usually works out in the end." Adrian smirked, a softness overcoming his features, "Yeah, you got that right." I became slightly uncomfortable seeing Adrian's fondness of Rose, but at the same time, it put part of my mind at ease.

I leaned forward with my hands laced together between my knees to face Adrian more directly. "I won't let anything happen to her," I promised.

Adrian looked at me for a long while, a mix of emotions echoing through him that reflected my own: regret, grief, hope and devotion. "I know you won't," he practically whispered. His assurance and faith in me surprised me enough for me to raise an eyebrow in question. Adrian sighed and the cigarette between his fingers disappeared in a fog- a parlor trick for the spirit user in his own dream.

Adrian leaned forward this time, staring intently at me. "I know you'll take care of her. I saw it in your aura the day we helped Rose escape. I didn't expect anything less, I'd known how your aura lit up around her since I first saw you two together at the ski lodge…" There was no malice in his tone, no bitterness towards me, which only shocked me more. I stayed silent, he took that as a sign to keep talking.

"She's still in love with you." His blunt words made me flinch. It was a reality I didn't want to discuss with Rose's current lover. Adrian looked at me with a desperate glint in his eye, pleading me to speak.

He wanted me to assure him that Rose spent the last few days obsessing over Adrian and missing him, that she didn't even notice I was there.

I couldn't lie to him.

"I know," I replied, a lump was stuck in my throat.

Adrian took a deep breath and let out a slow sigh. I knew which question was coming next, yet nothing could have prepared me to answer it.

"Do you still love her?"

"I will protect her with my life," I said.

Adrian laughed without mirth, "And you would do the same for me, because that's the kind of guy you are. But what I want to know is if you're still in love with my girlfriend?"

I swallowed, but the lump was still lodged in my throat. I refused to answer that question to Adrian.

He huffed and left the couch to examine the room again. "I guess you don't have to answer that, I just wanted to hear you say the words that your aura has been screaming for weeks."

I turned a fraction in my seat to look at Adrian, but he was pretending to be engrossed by the gowns hanging in the wardrobe, his fingers pinched the lace of a blue silk dress. "And what does my aura tell you?" I asked.

Adrian let go of the silk dress in his hand and it fell back into place. The room was quiet enough to hear the _swish_ as the dress rubbed against another article of clothing in the wardrobe. He smiled at me, a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Goodnight, Dimitri."

The next thing I knew, the room and the man before me faded to blackness. I settled into a deeper sleep, all the while my stomach was turning. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was wrecking a perfectly good relationship, and I didn't know if I wanted to stop it either. Those thoughts haunted my restless sleep; which must not have lasted long, because I woke more tired than when I went to bed. I also didn't wake up by myself, which proved how sleep neglected I was.

My senses were on high alert before I opened my eyes; I could hear female voices speaking softly across the campsite- and small whimpers next to me. I rolled over and opened my eyes to see Ivan shaking in his sleep, painful noises erupting from his mouth. The faint glow in the tent indicated the sun had recently risen. I gripped Ivan's shoulder to shake him awake, but when my hand closed on him, his whole body tensed, "No," he begged, "Don't take me."

"Ivan," I murmured, nudging him awake, "It's just a nightmare." I realized that for the first time since I'd been transformed, I slept without any nightmares of my own. I would have to thank Adrian for that. I still felt a surge of empathy for Ivan; I could imagine exactly what he saw when he slept.

It took a few moments for Ivan to adjust to the world around him. When he had fully woken up he gave me a pathetic smile, "That's not going to attract the ladies, is it?" I couldn't help but laugh at the lame joke. As much as Ivan was suffering now, I knew that deep down he would always care about his public image. Not that he had any reason to worry, everyone adored Ivan when he was alive. There was plenty of grief to go around when he 'died'.

His 'death' didn't add up, either. It was another thing about Ivan that unnerved me. I attended his funeral, granted it was a closed casket, there had to be a body in the coffin. After all that I revealed to him, it didn't seem wrong to ask him about that time in his life. Until now I'd been too occupied by having him back in my life that I wasn't too concerned with how he left it.

"Ivan…" I began, not knowing how to put my concerns into words. I sat up, hunched over since the tent was too small for my height. "The alchemists found a body when you died. They claimed it was you. That's why we all thought you were long gone."

Ivan sat up too, looking uncomfortable at the shift in our conversation. He understood the question without me having to ask it. "Not a long story there, unlike all of yours," he nudged me playfully. "The Strigoi who turned me was named Vova. He had tried turning several people before, but they had all been staked or burnt by the sun not long after they'd been turned. He was extra careful with me, he wanted to make sure I survived. After he drained me and fed me his blood he went to a nightclub and found a Moroi that was blond and fair skinned. He completely mauled that man, no Alchemist would have been able to tell that the body didn't belong to me. We left the body with the fallen guardians. Vova thought it would increase my chance of survival if everyone thought I was dead." There was a faraway look in his eyes as he recalled the past. He held no warmth for his maker.

"What happened to Vova?" I asked. Ivan shrugged, "He's probably still out there. We, uh, parted ways." The bitterness in his voice made me think there was more to it than his simple explanation. I smiled, relating to Ivan's hatred of his maker.

"You told me that you hated your maker, too, right?" he asked.

I scoffed, running a hand down my face to rub away some of my grogginess. "Yeah," I mumbled. "He wanted me to be obedient and all that, but I didn't want him to have power over me." Ivan sat up, a crude smile on his face, "Strigoi are all the same, aren't they?"

I couldn't have agreed more.

We joined the others in the campsite. Everyone had bags under their eyes from a rough night's sleep. As soon as I was standing I stretched out my arms and yawned. My back was sore from sleeping on the ground.

None of us wanted to waste time with getting on the road to the Dragomir child, and I didn't want to travel with unnecessary luggage so, we left the tents and blankets in the camp for the rangers to collect.

"It's just like Russia," Rose mumbled when I told her not to pack up the tents. I raised an eyebrow, not understanding her. Surely this campsite was nothing like the hotel. "How so?" Ivan asked, coming up from behind me draping an arm over my shoulder in a brotherly fashion.

Sydney also gained interest in the statement and stepping in to join our circle. Rose shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, it's just that we're leaving the tents and stuff here. When I was in Russia I went to a lot of high end bars and clubs." A smile crept over her face at the memory, "I bought a lot of uhhh-mazing dresses there, but I had to ditch them all whenever I moved around…" The smile faltered as she looked wistfully off into space, "I wish I still had some of those dresses. They really were gorgeous."

"I liked the one you were wearing the night we met," Syndey stated matter-of-factly, looking at me as she spoke. I gave her a questioning glance and she waved her arm, encouraging me to do something, her eyes imploring me. Ivan nudged me and nodded, giving me the same encouragement. Holy hell, I had two wingmen. Both of them jumped on the opportunity to give me a chance to woo Rose.

I wasn't sure if I regretted or relished that I'd told them the story of Rose and I last night.

I cleared my throat, suddenly self-conscious. Rose, of course, noticed the exchange between the three of us. She raised her eyebrows at us, I could practically see her deciphering the meaning behind our silent communication.

"I'm sure they were, uh, very pretty." I said awkwardly. The words themselves weren't that bad, it was the hesitancy with which I said it. Rose was taken aback, she opened her mouth to say something and closed it again. I mentally slapped myself for saying anything at all, let alone something stupid like that. Sydney gave me a disappointed look, as if I somehow let her down.

I noticed Rose blush slightly before excusing herself to the car. Sydney followed after her, but not before shaking her head at me in annoyance.

As soon as the girls were out of earshot Ivan turned on me.

"'Very pretty'?! That's all you've got?" Ivan stage whispered. I dropped my shoulders, feeling pathetic. "You know I'm no good at flirting!" I pinched the bridge of my nose. Shame and guilt coursed through me as I remembered my dream with Adrian. It was tearing him up to leave Rose alone with me, but he was trusting me. I couldn't just go and break that trust.

Ivan's eyes bugged out, still concerned with my lack of flirting skills, "You're telling me that you scored _that_ ," he pointed to where Rose was, "without flirting with her? That girl is a solid ten, and girls like her don't sleep with guys that say 'very pretty.'" I felt a surge of anger at him for making Rose sound like some prized possession. My blood was boiling under the skin.

I knew that Ivan didn't always have the upmost respect for women, but to talk about someone as honorable and courageous, and altruistic as Roza… that was just not acceptable. I stepped closer to Ivan, invading his personal space and looming over him. I had never threatened or tried to intimidate Ivan, but I was overstepping all kinds of boundaries lately. There was a spark in Ivan's eyes, as if he expected this, wanted it, even.

"Score?" I asked, my voice dangerously low. "I didn't score anything, Ivan. I fell in love. She was with me because _I love her_ , not because I flirt with her."

Ivan straightened up, a huge smirk plastered on his face as if he'd won this battle. "There it is. Did you hear yourself? You said _love_ , not _loved_. Present tense." His smug smile grew and he tilted his head to one side, "No more reservations, Dimka. After all you've done for me, the least I can do is help you get Rose back," he laughed, rubbing his jaw, "God knows you'll need it." He patted my shoulder before walking to the car, leaving my heart pounding and my conscious torn.

Needless to say, the road trip was quiet and uncomfortable after that.

* * *

This whole time I was imagining the Dragomir child to be more… regal. A figment of my imagination that already met the standards of royalty. I guess that wouldn't make sense if the child was raised in the dark about their lineage, but I still wasn't expecting a lanky tween girl with unkempt hair.

I recognized her from St. Vladimir's. I remembered that her and Rose knew each other, another surprise, and it was clear from this meeting that the girls were friendly with each other. Given any other circumstance, they would have hugged and squealed with delight to see each other.

Lissa's half-sibling, Jill Mastrano, had the same jade green eyes as every other renowned Dragomir. I didn't need any extra convincing that we'd found the right girl. There wasn't much of an age difference between Jill and the princess, I found it disturbing that Eric had cheated on Rhea when Lissa was a baby. I was half hoping the illegitimate child would have been conceived before Eric was married.

Jill's mother, Emily, reluctantly invited us in to explain ourselves. Once she determined Sonya was in fact a Moroi again, she was more willing to hear us out. I let the Moroi, Sydney and Rose take the open seats. There was a spot for me in an armchair, but I opted to stand near the doorway. I immersed myself in what Rose called "seeing-without-seeing." The small act of guardian duty helped put my mind at ease. Standing at a post and watching the room carefully fulfilled a sense of purpose that can't be achieved by chaperoning a group of vampires across the country in an Alchemist's SUV.

I noticed right away that Jill's father, or rather step-father, John, felt hostility toward us for bringing fugitives into his home. Not that I blamed him, but I would be keeping an extra careful eye on him.

Rose did all the talking. She jumped right into the hard parts by pointing to John and saying, "He's not your father." There was a lot of back and forth after that. Jill and Emily were becoming more and more upset by the topic, but it was John that I was worried about. Rose paid no attention to him, her eyes were only for the long lost Dragomir.

John was quiet for most of the conversation, although it was less of a conversation and more of a… well I don't know what to compare this to. John had his hands folded in his lap, and I could see them tense and loosen up multiple times. He also had a twitch in his jaw; the smallest of signs that he would not take this news with ease.

With Sonya's help, Emily finally admitted to an affair with Eric Dragomir.

When Rose demanded that Jill go back to court with us, John looked at me, as is sizing me up to determine if he could take me in a fight. As stupid as it was for a Moroi to consider taking on a guardian, especially one with my reputation, I had to admire the determined glint in his eye.

If she'd seen what I had, maybe we would have refused Emily's offer to stay the night. But without Rose to confirm my fears, I dismissed them as just an overactive imagination and my apprehension about this entire situation. I should have listened to my gut.

About an hour later, the Moroi were feeding downstairs so Rose and myself were in the spare bedroom. I had just calmed Rose down after she saw Eddie save Lissa from an attack through Lissa's eyes. She heaved a sigh of frustration, "I should be there with her."

We each had a chance to shower, and I caught myself admiring the way Rose's dress clung to her hips and chest, how I wanted to run my fingers through her damp hair flowing down her body.

"You will be soon," I promised. Now that we had Lissa's sibling, we could go back to Court and move on from the dark chapter in our lives. Rose smiled and shook her head in disbelief, "We did it… I can't believe we actually found Jill. Adrian's gonna have to stop calling her 'Jailbait' if she's going to be a Lady… or even Princess if Lissa becomes queen."

Rose spoke Adrian's name with a fondness in her voice that I hadn't heard in a long time. Back then, she spoke my name like that. The spirit dream I shared with Adrian popped into my head; the pain in his eyes from being apart from Rose. "Adrian…" I said, his name rolling off my lips like a penance for a crime I hadn't yet committed. "He seems pretty loyal to you."

"He is. I trust him completely." Rose smiled, a distant look in her eyes as she thought of him. Rose's answer and faith in Adrian felt like a bullet in my stomach. I don't know why I continued with the questions when it only felt like someone digging into the bullet wound.

"And he makes you happy?" My tone came out more clipped and forceful than I'd meant to. I resisted the urge to reach out and tuck her hair behind her ear to let her know I wasn't angry with her (since most of our conversations these days wound up becoming fights). Rose turned pensive, "Yeah. He does. I have fun with him. I mean he's infuriating sometimes- okay, a lot of the time- by don't be fooled by all the vices. He's not a bad person."

Rose just had to add the last part, sending a wave of guilt through me for lusting after a good person's girlfriend. "I know he isn't," I said. "He's a good man. It's not easy for everyone to see, but I can." I can see it better than ever now, after I witnessed first hand how Adrian was willing to risk his reputation and good-standing with the Court to rescue Rose. He had everything to lose, and still thought Rose was a bigger priority. "He's still getting himself together, but he's on his was. I saw it in the escape. And after…"

I stopped myself, unsure if I wanted to continue. But Rose was looking at me with those eyes as if she could see right through me. As if she already knew the question I was going to ask. _Why the hell not?_ I asked myself, _Go ahead and throw salt into the wound_. 'After Siberia, he was there for you? He helped you?"

Rose bit her lip unconsciously and nodded. This was just getting worse and worse. While part of me was happy that Adrian turned out to be a stand-up guy for Rose, a bitterness dwelled in me that couldn't stand to see someone else making Rose happy.

I would never admit it to her, but I couldn't stand that Rose had become independent from me; that she no longer _needed_ me in her life.

"Do you love him?" I asked. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I regretted them instantly, believing that I didn't want to know her answer.

Rose's eyes reflected my own feelings in that moment, and I knew with certainty that no matter how she felt about Adrian, there was still a place for me in her heart. She was silent for a long time, keeping her eyes on me for what felt like years. I gravitated toward her without realizing what I was doing. The world around me blurred to the background, and I could see was the woman in front of me- she became everything in that moment.

"Yeah," she said softly, "I… I do love him."

And just like that, the moment was gone. I looked to the window as if I could see it flying away. "Good. I'm glad," I lied. My mind went blank as I focused on a potted plant hanging from the neighbor's window sill. I felt Roza's presence in the room with me, but I couldn't form any rational thought in my head.

The figure in my peripheral stepped closer. "What's wrong?" she asked. I wanted to say, "That depends, Rose. What's wrong with me? Plenty. What's wrong with _this_? Everything." But instead I lied again. "Nothing. I just want to make sure that you're okay. That you're happy," well, at least the last part was true. I turned to face her, a smile plastered on my face. I thought it was strange that I had spent most of my life training to hide smiles and keep my face blank, and not I was working to do the exact opposite. I probably wasn't fooling anyone with my visage, especially not Roza.

There was a crease between her eyebrows as she tried to figure my truth out. Something in the way she studied me implored me to open up to her. "Things have been changing, that's all." I said, trying to reassure her. "It's making me reconsider so much. Ever since Donovan… and then Ivan and Sonya… it's strange. I thought it all changed the night Lissa saved me. But it didn't. There's been so much more, more to the healing than I'd realized. Every day I figure out something new. Some new emotion I'd forgotten to feel. Some revelation I totally missed." My eyes travelled to her hair, "Some beauty I didn't see."

Rose touched the lock of hair I was focused on, "Hey, my hair in the alley does _not_ go on that list, okay? You were in shock." Usually Rose's playful attitude would snap me out of my reverie, but not this time. I smiled fondly at her, "No, Roza. It _was_ beautiful. It's beautiful now." Once again, I was back in the moment with her. My subconscious guilt and moral compass were suppressed by the wave of emotions I felt when in the room alone with Roza.

"The dress is just throwing you off," she attempted to joke, but her gaze was more sensual than mocking. I knew that it would come back to bite me later, but at that point I didn't care about Rose and Adrian's relationship. I was operating solely on reflex now, and every instinct in me wanted to have Roza, no matter the price I pay later.

After everything we had been through at the academy, and how hard we fought to be together, looking at her then, I thought that I should have fought harder.

The concerned look returned to Rose's face. "What?" she asked. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

I shook my head at her; only Rose would be ridiculous enough to be self-conscious. Doesn't she know how perfect she is? If Adrian wasn't going to let her know, I would.

"Because sometimes," I said with a smile, "a person can get so caught up in the details that they miss the whole. It's not just the dress or the hair. It's _you_. You're beautiful." Saying the words aloud felt like a breath of fresh air. A weight had been lifted off my chest. "So beautiful, it hurts me," I added, remembering the first time I admitted she was beautiful.

It had taken a lust charm for me to tell her she was beautiful and touch her the first time, and I had a similar feeling of being compelled now… but this was no magic spell. This was just my pure, unquestionable love for the goddess standing before me. We were standing mere inches apart now, unintentionally drifting closer and closer like magnets.

"Hey, guys, have you- oh." Sydney stopped in the doorway to examine what she'd just walked in on. There's no telling how far I would have taken it then and there if we hadn't been interrupted by Sydney. Rose took two steps away from me, a sheepish look on her face, "What's up?"

My mind was still swimming, but it was easier to think clearly with another person in the room. Really, I was glad for Sydney's interference. Without heady thought impairing my judgement, I scolded myself for letting things get so far with Rose.

Sydney's brief conversation with Rose halted when we heard a commotion downstairs. I jumped to attention, both Rose and I instinctively ran to the stairs, where I could hear shouts. "Where is Rosemarie Hathaway and Dimitri Belikov?" Hard, steel voices demanded. I turned to Rose, who had frozen in place, grabbing her arm and pulling back down the hallway. "Guardians," I hissed, "guardians are raiding the house."

I shouldn't have underestimated John.

Rose reached for Sydney, gripping her wrist but not saying anything. Rose bit her lip in fear. Sydney nodded, understanding what Rose wasn't saying. "Go now," Sydney implored. "I'll hold them off as long as I can."

I yanked on Rose harder, desperate to get her away from this house. Sydney might get into some trouble when caught, but for us, it was life and death. I led her down to the room at the end of the hall and flung the door open. Thankfully there was a window big enough for us to get through. I opened the window pane, and just before jumping, I paused. Ivan was downstairs. I looked back to the open doorway, then at Rose.

"What are you doing?" Rose panicked, "We need to get out of here!"

I nodded. Rose was my priority. I told myself that Ivan would be okay. I swung my legs over the window sill and propelled myself to the ground two stories beneath me. Rose fell ungracefully next to me, rolling on her ankle.

She would have to push through the pain if we were going to survive this. I helped her stand, putting her arm around my shoulder so that I could support her weight as we started sprinting away from the house, the shouts of guardians communicating followed closely behind.

* * *

I pressed my index and middle finger lightly on the golf ball size swell on Rose's ankle. "Does that hurt?" I asked. Rose was sitting on a wooden bench-table while I knelt by her. She grimaced looking at her ankle, "Yeah, a bit." I nodded and rolled her ankle with one hand while the other kept her leg still. She didn't cry out in pain, so I took that as a good sign. "I don't think it's broken," I said, grabbing the hem of her dress to cover her leg. My hand felt warm even after breaking contact with her.

Rose reached for the bag of peas and crawled into the tent. Tent, singular. Rose's dress was a wreck so I went into the supermarket alone to buy all new camping gear, including frozen peas for Rose's ankle. No matter how much I told myself I bought just one tent for safety reasons (we needed to stay side-by-side until we knew we hadn't been followed), there was a thrill to sharing the small space with Rose.

It would be torture for sure. My hand formed into a fist, I squeezed to release the tension. All this proximity to her, and Ivan's role in getting me to open up more has been making it harder and harder to keep my distance, literally and figuratively. I couldn't even say I wanted the distance anymore.

I crawled into the tent and sat opposite Rose, who had that dazed look in her eyes that told me she was in Lissa's head. Her entire face was slack, with her mouth forming a small o shape. Then her eyes moved to me, she must have sensed me or heard me, I'm not sure how her senses function when she visited Lissa. Her eyes flashed in comprehension for me but she didn't say anything, choosing to concentrate on the other plane in her mind.

I opened a bag of chips and ate some, patiently waiting for Rose to come back to me on her own terms. Given the raid that just happened, there must be a lot going on at Court for Rose to see.

After at least ten minutes Rose sighed, she closed her mouth and took notice of her surroundings. "The guardians have Sydney, Ivan, and the Mastranos. The brothers and Sonya escaped. Hans interrogated Lissa, he told her that two unidentified men tried to take off with Jill but Ivan fought them off. The brothers must have been using a glamour, nobody knows we were working with them. Hans is about to interrogate Jill and her parents. I wish Lissa could be in the room when that happens."

Rose reached for the bag of chips, absent mindedly munching as she pondered Lissa meeting her half-sibling. "What do you think Hans will do with Ivan?" I asked, handing the chips to Rose to keep myself from eating more. I didn't even like sour cream and onion flavor, I just bought them from Rose.

She shrugged, "Put him in jail until they can prove he's not Strigoi like they did for you? He'll be safe," she said dismissively. "I just hope Emily doesn't talk Jill out of telling the truth," she mumbled. "With Jill there, Lissa will be elected queen, I'm sure of it. You should see the crowds that gather for her, Dimitri. People love her." There was awe in Rose's voice as she spoke, mixing in with her hope for the future.

"Jill will do the right thing," I said, though I wasn't completely sure that was true. I pictured Ivan being thrown in a cell similar to mine. He shouldn't be treated that way, thrown in a cage because simple minded people couldn't accept his, _our_ , transformation. "We don't need to worry about that right now. And the brothers are gone. We just need to lie low until it's safe to go back to Court and get Ivan out of containment. They can't lock him up like that." _Containment_ is what Hans called it while I was being followed by my own security detail and subjected to daily tests to prove that I was a living being and not undead. "He deserves better than that."

Rose hummed, studying me as if I'd just said something profound. I raised an eyebrow, taking satisfaction in the brief pursing of her lips as I did so. It was mean, but I raised a single eyebrow at her more than I did to other people because I know it makes her envious of me. "What is it?"

A large smile grew on her lips, similar to the looks she would give me at the academy when I was pissing her off and she became _too_ sweet. "It's funny," she said bitterly, not one trace of humor in her voice.

"You've been treating Ivan like I treated you, but I guess it's okay now, right? It's not like you two were in love or anything. It's not like you traveled all the way to Russia to save him." Her voice felt like ice wrapping around my veins and freezing my blood. Usually when she was mad at me I was quick to react with my own anger, but she left me speechless then. She laid on her side, facing away from me and pulled a fleece blanket up to cover her shoulders. "You don't mind taking first watch, do you? I'm going to get some rest."

* * *

 **A lot of back and forth between Rose and Dimitri! Just like the good ol' days ;) I couldn't resist adding in a bit more Rose with her attitude, because it's not a VA fanfic without Rose being Rose.**

 **How have you all been? For my friends in the USA, how are you feeling after the election? I just started taking an American Politics course, and my professor seems really funny and interesting! I'm sure we'll have a lot to discuss this semester. I love getting PMs and Reviews from all of you, so don't hesitate to reach out to me!**

 **Let me know what you think of this chapter! -thefangirldiaries**


	4. Part 4

**HERE IT IS - The Butterfly Effect has taken over! After the first scene in this chapter, we are no longer in familiar territory. Everything from here on out will be different than the original book.**

 **I apologize in advance for all the book/ culture references in this chapter. I didn't realize I had put in so many while I was writing.** **I hope I have some Pride and Prejudice fans reading this ;)**

* * *

I woke up to a hand brushing hair out of my face. The first thing I noticed was sunlight streaming in from the east, casting the tent in a blue hue.

The next thing I noticed was that I was laying on top of Rose. Not completely on top of her, but I must have rolled over during my sleep and curled up next to her. My head was on her chest, moving up and down with her steady breaths, and my arm was wrapped around her body. I didn't move, afraid to burst the bubble. Of course, Rose was awake, and I couldn't just lay there pretending to be asleep for long. She was warm, like sunlight on bare skin. Her hand remained on the side of my face, even as I shifted to look down on her, one elbow holding me up and my arm still half draped across her stomach.

Her eyes were wide with a silent plea. Ever since my transformation, she had been begging me to understand that she still loved me, and that she knew I still loved her. She has this way of getting into my head, of knowing what I was feeling but not saying. And in that moment, I wasn't fighting those facts. Maybe it was that the morning was quiet and peaceful, and the tent offered a sanctuary for us. I think it was that I was finally alone with her, and no one would come bursting through the door to interrupt this time.

We had the privacy I needed for me to spill my guts.

The moment was serene, and Rose was irresistible. I leaned in and took pleasure in seeing her breathing pick up. She was getting excited by me; that and seeing her laying in front of me with her bottom lip caught between her teeth was more than enough encouragement. My forehead connected with hers, our lips only centimeters apart.

It would have been so sweet to kiss her then, but I didn't. Right before I would've brought our lips together, I pictured Adrian at Rose's neck.

I jerked back, sitting up and breaking all physical contact. I brushed a hand through my hair, frustrated with myself. Just like that, the bubble had burst.

After what felt like an hour, Rose also sat up, but I kept my eyes trained on the north side of the tent. I didn't want to look at her then. I don't know what I expected Rose to say, I was fearing she would pursue the kiss. I definitely didn't expect her to say "I'm sorry." It came as a whisper, like she was afraid that I was upset. I couldn't help it, I turned to face her, my guardian mask failing me. "Sorry for what?" I asked, confused.

Rose gave me a small smile, "For being a bitch last night. You're just being a good friend to Ivan. I shouldn't get angry at you for that. He's okay, by the way. He as a guard detail, but he's already in a suite, not a cell. Lissa hasn't met him yet, but she heard news from Eddie." Relief flooded through me. I wanted to ask more questions, but knew that Rose would've told me if she knew anything else.

"Rose," I laughed softly, "Don't apologize. You have every reason to be angry at me."

Rose shook her head. "That's what you think. I was never angry with you, Comrade. For any of it."

My heart skipped a beat at her use of my old nickname. I couldn't come up with a response, so we sat in silence for a while, both of us smiling ever so slightly. It almost felt like sneaking around, but not as nad as what we were about to do a few moments ago. It was intimate even though we didn't make any moves to touch each other.

Before long, the silence became awkward. Finally Rose said, "Can we go somewhere for a shower and food?" I nodded vigorously, happy to have an excuse to get out of the tent.

We shouldn't stay in any one place for long, so we wouldn't stay at the campground. Without having a plan in place, we packed up the tent effortlessly, our bodies in sync as we worked next to each other, not needing to speak to get tasks done. I was still reeling from the almost-kiss, but Rose seemed to have forgotten all about it. Either that or she had gotten better at containing her emotions over the last few months. Once we were all packed, Rose stepped back to survey our work with her hands on her hips. "So," she said brightly, "how are we gonna get out of here?"

"Дерьмо," I swore. Rose pursed her lips to hide a smile; no doubt she'd learned by now what _shit_ is translated into Russian.

We couldn't take the car we'd stolen back onto the road, it had probably been reported by now, and it was too dangerous. I stuffed the camping gear into the trunk of the car and carefully replaced the branches over it to keep it hidden.

"Seems like a waste of time to even pack up the stuff if we're going to leave it here," Rose remarked as we walked up the trail to the campground's office. I may have burst the bubble from earlier, but the haze of the morning hadn't worn off, and we stayed in high spirits.

"We may be fugitives, but we're not the kind of savages to leave a campsite messy for the next person," I teased and nudged her shoulder playfully. Rose laughed, a rich, wholehearted sound. "If we were _really_ good people," she said, "we would have left the chips and peas for the next poor suckers who have to camp." She jerked her thumb to the knapsack on her back, where we kept the food. I had no idea why she brought the peas.

I quirked an eyebrow, "'Poor suckers'? You don't like camping?" I asked jokingly. I knew she considered braving the outdoors to be a pain. She scrunched up her nose, "Not if it can be helped. Wouldn't it be nice if we could hide out in a five-star hotel?" She sighed dreamily for effect.

I laughed, "Somehow I doubt we'd stay hidden for long at the Hamptons."

Rose gave me a sly smile, "Says you! I could make us new identities right now if I wanted. I can hide anywhere, like a chameleon." What can I say? Her playful mood was contagious, so I went along with it. I scoffed at her, "Bullshit."

"No, it's true." She lifted her chin haughtily, "How do you think Lissa and I stayed off the radar for so long? She only had to compel one random Moroi in the entire _two years_ outside the academy," she held up two fingers for emphasis. I shook my head, "So you're saying that you were the mastermind the whole time?" It wouldn't come as a surprise to me that Rose had been the one moving the chess pieces all along. It took me months to find her in Portland, and that wouldn't be the last time she'd manipulated her way out of my reach.

"Uh-huh. I'm like _Gone Girl_. Don't mess with me, because I'll outsmart you."

I have to give her this; the description actually fit her well. "Have you even read _Gone Girl_?" I asked accusingly.

"No," she said simply, "but I saw the movie several times."

"Okay then, if you're so good at being on the run, what should our aliases be?" I asked, mostly out of curiosity, but part of me revelled in this game we started.

"Hmm," Rose looked up at the canopy of trees as she thought. "You can't fake an American accent, so you would still need an Eastern European name, like Boris." I cringed at the name. Rose saw this and laughed. "No, you're right. Boris is so stereotypical that someone would figure us out…" She looked at me, studying my face, "How about Ilya? It sounds nice enough. I think there's some famous hockey player named Ilya."

"Ilya," I said, nodding, "Fair enough. What would your name be?"

A sly smile grew on Rose's lips. "I never told you that Lissa and I changed our names when we left St. Vlad's, did I?" she asked.

"No," I said, surprised it had never come up. I would expect someone as open as Rose to tell me this a long time ago.

"We didn't use fake names everywhere we went," she went on. "It was hard not to call each other by our real names in front of others, so we gave up with the fake names after Chicago. In Milwaukee she was Brenda, because she was obsessed with Brendon Urie at the time, and I was Hayley, because of Hayley Williams. But for the most part when we went to different cities, Lissa went by Jane, and I was Elizabeth, like the sisters from Pride and Prejudice." The smile on her face grew wistful, "We actually fought for a long time over who got to be Lizzy and who would be stuck with Jane. Not that Jane is bad." She laughed at the memory, and I found myself smiling at her story.

I didn't peg Rose to be an Austen type of girl, surprising me once again. She turned to me with that beautiful smile on her face, catching me off guard. I looked back at the trail. "Well, I'm glad you won that fight," I said. "You're more like Lizzy anyway. I don't think Lissa could pull off her attitude." Rose giggled, "That's what I told her!"

I had to rub my chin to keep my smile from growing, and before Rose could see it. "So, Ilya and Elizabeth it is. We would need a backstory," I pointed out. "Oh that's the best part!" She exclaimed. She touched my forearm excitedly; a simple gesture that I ended up thinking about for hours after. "We could be co-workers on a business trip," she went on, oblivious to her effect on me. I wanted so badly for her to take her hand off my arm.

Well, no. I wanted _desperately_ for her to keep her hand where it was, and for her to come closer and hold me, to put her other hand on me. To feel her hands travel all over my body, starting with my chest and going down to my-

"No, there are too many loopholes there." She said, her mind on a completely different track than mine. She bit her lip as she pondered. "Hm, what if we were acting partners who're traveling around the country to look for roles?"

It was obvious that she was avoiding the most plausible reason for a man and woman to be travelling alone together.

"We can say we're from Improv Olympic!" I didn't say anything, and she took that as a sign to go on. "Improv Olympic is this acting club in Chicago," she explained, "and since I lived there for a couple months, I should be able to answer people's questions about the area." She dropped her hand from my arm, crossing her arms across her chest and giving me a smug smile, "Our new identities could really work!"

"Sure, as long as no one asks us to act in front of them."

"Hey! I can act!" She defended. I responded with a non-committal "Okay," which I knew would get under her skin.

We had reached the campground's office then. I held open the door for Rose, and she gave me a mirthful look as she passed. "Watch this," she muttered under her breath.

The man sitting at the desk inside the office did a double take when he saw us walk in. I had nearly forgotten the state of our clothes and hair until I saw the shock on his face. He had to be my age, maybe a little older. He was bald, and had ebony skin that shined in the light. His nametag read "Antonio". Rose honed in on her target, stepping forward with a sway in her hips. "Hey there," she said in a low voice, nothing like the giddy woman she had been outside. "I'm Liz. My boyfriend and I took our camping trip a little too far last night, if you know what I mean." She offered him a grin. I believe she called it her 'man-eating grin'.

I'll let you know this; that smile works, every time.

Antonio nodded, his mouth agape. Rose leaned on the counter, her breasts resting on her forearms. "Well, we both forgot our phone chargers and I _really_ should be getting home now." They both laughed, but Antonio sobered up when he looked back at me. He studied me from head to toe. I wore my guardian mask, which would be intimidating to even trained dhampirs, let alone a poorly muscled human. To his credit, he looked at my defiantly, not with apprehension. Rose touched his wrist, regaining his undivided attention. "My mom will freak if I'm gone when she gets home from work. Could you maybe get us an Uber off your phone? We can give you cash for the cost of the ride."

Antonio fumbled with his khaki pocket. "Uh, yeah, no problem! Let me just… get my… here it is." He pulled out a smartphone, and after messing with it for a few moments he looked back at Rose. "What's your address?" he asked. Rose blinked, "Uh. Well, I should probably clean myself up before going home. You know… just in case." She locked eyes with me briefly. I knew she needed help coming up with a passable lie, so I stepped forward, putting my hand on Rose's waist. "You can just have the Uber take us to any hotel that's near a shopping center."

He narrowed his eyes at me, and didn't address me when he spoke. "I thought you said you were going home." he accused Rose, finding her much less attractive with me next to her. Rose smiled, not being fazed by him. "Yes, the hotel is for my boyfriend. He'll make sure I get home after I've changed my clothes." She picked at her torn shoulder strap to display the damage that had been done to her dress.

Antonio wasn't pleased, but he focused on his phone screen dutifully anyway.

"There's a motel across the street from a Walmart fifteen minutes from here. Is that good enough?" he asked.

"That would be perfect!" Rose exclaimed pleasantly, though I could see the slight wrinkle in her nose at the thought of staying in a motel. Growing up with Lissa had given Rose a taste for the finer things in life, and no doubt our escape from Court had been less than luxurious.

"Alright. Your Uber is a white Honda Accord. The trip will be $40 even."

I tossed two twenties on the counter, which made Antonio considerably happier. With my hand still on Rose's hip, steered her out of the office. Rose waved at Antonio as we walked out, "Thanks so much!"

Once outside I took my hand off of Rose and we both started laughing.

"I told you I can act!" she said, punching my arm playfully.

"I'm not sure that was really acting, or just flirting. Besides, what would you have done if it were a woman working?"

"What, you don't think I can flirt with girls, too? Girls like me." Rose flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Oh, and I had no idea your new identity was so generous," she said. "There's no way our Uber costs that much." I stared at her blankly. She doubled over, laughed again, "Ilya, I believe this is the first time you've been jipped."

I hadn't had that much fun since I helped Rose win the St. Varvaras scavenger hunt back at the academy.

* * *

I was sleeping soundly when it happened.

But before I get ahead of myself, let me tell you about the motel. As soon as we entered the cramped room, which smelled of mildew, Rose dug through the plastic bags from Walmart for a fresh pair of clothes and scurried to the bathroom for a shower. I pulled back the curtains to let in sunlight, but all that did was highlight the dust motes.

There was the standard desk and chair pushed into a corner, and two beds with a nightstand stuffed in between them. The TV could've been as old as me.

I grabbed the TV remote and sat back on one of the beds, aimlessly surfing channels and finding nothing interesting. There wasn't even gruesome news to become absorbed in. I guess Michigan is just as boring as West Virginia.

I paused on a skit of two friends trying and failing to assemble a bookshelf. They couldn't understand the manual and became more and more frustrated with each other as time passed. The skit made my mind wander to Ivan. I flipped through more channels, but the skit stuck in my head. I'm not sure why it made me think of him, but the two friends tripping over each other and yelling a lot reminded me of our high school years.

I was worried about him, even though Rose assured me he was fine. I wanted to know more details about his situation, though, like if his mother had called him yet, or how he was coping. I realized, even after seeing what Lissa and Rose go through on a daily basis, that I wanted a bond with Ivan.

I never thought I would envy Rose for the bond, but I did want a way to always know where Ivan was and if he was in danger. Of course I could do without being sucked into his head whenever he was with a girl, or having to read his dirty thoughts. And he would probably be sending me crude comments telepathically to "entertain" me during guard shifts, the same way I would receive texts from him during classes at St. Basil's.

Actually, the more I thought about it, the more certain I was that a bond with Ivan would drive me insane. That didn't make me miss him or worry any less. I might have been happy to live life on the run with Rose if it weren't for my best friend stuck at court.

The bathroom door opened, breaking my stream of consciousness. Rose walked out wearing sweatpants, a cotton T-shirt, and her hair wrapped in a towel. She glanced at the TV, the channel I landed on was airing a period piece. Girls in thick dressing gowns danced with men wearing tailcoats, speaking in British accents. "Is this something Dimitri would watch, or are you developing your Ilya character?" Rose asked, sitting on the bed across from me.

I tossed her the remote. "I wasn't really watching it, just trying not to fall asleep." I was struck by the thought that Rose was just as stunning to me in baggy sweats as she was in the sundress yesterday.

"Hmm," she hummed noncommittally, rubbing the towel on her head. "Why don't you go take a shower and I'll order us food," she said, holding out her hand for the disposable phone. I paused, unsure if I wanted to give her the phone. At this point I doubted that she would run away from me, but I was concerned that she would try to call Lissa or someone else and unwittingly give away our location to the guardians.

"There's always take-out menus stuffed in the bedside tables at these places." She leaned over to open the drawer and picked up a red and green sheet of paper as evidence. When I didn't react she roller her eyes. "Don't you trust me?" she asked with a playful smile, but there was a tightness to her lips that told me she was hurt.

I had to decide fast, because the longer I took, the longer it looked like I didn't trust Rose. And I do trust her with my life, but maybe not with my phone.

"Of course I do," I said, and tossed her the phone. Rose would prioritize food over a risky phone call, that much I had to believe.

Twenty minutes later I was still in the shower, and I heard a knock at the motel room door. The hair on the back of my neck raised, and I fought the urge to get out of the shower to check on Rose. I heard voices murmuring, and the the door closed. It took a while for my heart rate to calm down after that.

I got out of the shower and we pulled the desk in between the two beds to use as a table for our food.

We stayed like that for hours, eating slices of pizza and watching various reruns of old shows on TV, checking the news during commercial breaks. We didn't talk much, either, but it was a comfortable silence. For the first time since becoming fugitives, we were relaxed.

The sun hadn't even set when Rose started yawning. The long week and lack of sleep was catching up to us. I turned the volume down so that Rose could get some rest. She fell asleep on top of the covers, so I took my comforter over to her and laid it gingerly on top of her.

She slept for hours after the sun set. Eventually the show I was watching stopped airing for the night, and Pride and Prejudice came on, the one with Colin Firth as Darcy. I recognized it immediately. My mother owned a copy of the mini-series, and I would watch it with my sisters. My mother insisted we watch it in English, not the Russian dubbed version. She insisted that for a lot of movies, hoping that our English skills would improve at home since we only spoke Russian at school.

I considered waking Rose to see if she wanted to watch it with me, seeing as her alias is the main character, but decided she needed the sleep more.

I watched the mini-series with detached interest, but Darcy's first proposal to Elizabeth caught my attention. " _In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."_ Darcy was either brave or stupid to say that to Elizabeth, especially considering she had feelings for Mr. Wickham at the time. I wondered if Darcy did the right thing by opening up to her. On one side, he'd told the truth, so there was no misunderstanding. On the other hand, his admission of love put Lizzy in a difficult position, one where she had to hurt his pride to keep her own.

His mistake was to ask for Lizzy's hand, instead of simply telling her how he feels. He should have considered the way she felt about him, but he put his own wants first.

And in all my criticism of Darcy, I realized I was criticizing myself for something I hadn't done yet.

I know that I can't ask for Rose to come back to me. I may know that I love her and she loves me, but I don't know if she wants me more than she wants to be with Adrian. It has to be her choice, like Sydney had said across the campfire to me.

Nevertheless, the proposal remains one of my favorite scenes. Elizabeth had to turn him down the first time, because she didn't like the man he was when they met. Lizzy wouldn't be worth the pain he felt if she'd bent her will and accepted his hand then. The greatest part of their fraught relationship is that Lizzy always stuck up for herself, and everyone knew that Darcy would never be able to take advantage of her, because she was a force to be reckoned with.

Just as Lizzy opened the revealing apology letter from Darcy, Rose rolled over and blinked several times. "How long was I asleep?" she asked.

"About six hours, maybe a little more." She sat up, "Jesus, you should've woken me." I shrugged. Rose noticed that she was under my comforter, so she balled it up and tossed it at me. "Thanks, Comrade."

"That's Ilya to you."

She smiled and glanced at the TV. "Oh, hey, Pride and Prejudice! you really should have woken me." I stayed up to watch the end of the series.

As Jane and Lizzy walked down the aisle to their grooms, I peeked over at Rose to see her smiling at the TV. "Lissa and I love this part." Rose said quietly. She seemed to be in some sort of a trance. "We liked to imagine our own double wedding, even though I told her I didn't want to get married." That came as a shock to me, but it shouldn't have.

"We planned the flowers and color themes, even what kind of dresses we would wear. All that was missing was our own Bingley and Darcy," she laughed.

When the credits started, she changed the channel to a cartoon show that was clearly made for adults. I laid down and let the TV lights flash brightly behind my eyelids, lulling me to sleep.

I didn't get to stay asleep for long. I didn't even get to start dreaming. The sun hadn't risen yet when Rose shook me awake. "Dimitri!" Rose exclaimed, gripping my shoulders. There were tears welling in her eyes. I sat up in a panic and Rose climbed into the bed next to me, she sat on her knees and took my hand in hers. "I was just in Lissa's head," she started, choking up.

"Is she alright?" I asked, more worried now. I squeezed her hand to comfort her.

Rose smiled widely, "Yes! Oh, yes, I'm happy." she wiped a tear from her cheek. "Dimitri, Tatiana's killer just confessed!" she squealed. My heart sunk in my chest, and then immediately went started beating twice as fast. "Really?" I asked in disbelief.

There are few moments in my life that come close to the feeling I felt in that moment, albeit a far cry from getting Ivan back in my life.

Rose bounced forward, nodding frantically, she was basically in my lap now, her energy keeping her from staying still. She held onto me with excitement, electricity pulsing through us. "Hans has the killer in custody, Mikhail heard from another guard and he told Eddie who told Lissa!" she laughed, placing a hand over her mouth and then her chest.

"What happened?" I demanded.

Rose shook her head in wonder. "Lissa doesn't know the full story, but Eddie said that _Sydney_ helped identify the killer… apparently the killer had gone to an Alchemist facility a while back and Sydney's friend remembered him. Sydney's been detained, but Sonya was able to dreamwalk with her and get the description of the killer. But that's not the best part."

Rose gripped my face in her hands, her eyes wide. "Dimitri," she breathed, "Hans called my father and Lissa. We've been pardoned. We're free!"

And just like that, our sacred bubble was back. Just Rose and I, euphoric over our newly found freedom. I gripped the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. She stiffened initially, but relaxed into the kiss, tightening her grip on me.

After weeks of trying to put myself back together piece by piece, like a china doll filling in cracks with glue, I finally found a piece that had been missing, the part of me that completed the man.

Passion, desire, and blinding love burst through my veins. Rose straddled me, bringing our bodies as close as possible. My hands were up her shirt in an instant, craving the heat of her skin. She shivered with anticipation as my fingers trailed the skin of her belly, her tongue fighting for dominance with mine. Her hands were at the zipper of my jeans, tugging it down. I couldn't let her strip me when she still had on all her clothes, so I pulled the T-shirt up over her head.

When we broke the kiss to get her shirt off I whispered, "God, I love you." I didn't realize I had said it until Rose froze. She studied my face for a moment and broke out into a huge grin. "I love you too," she breathed.

I flipped us over and Rose gasped in surprise. I kissed her again, and her hands went straight to my zipper again.

We didn't take our time or move gently. She was being rough, digging her nails into my skin and biting my lips. Well, two can play at that game. I had her pinned down, forcing her to keep still as I fiercely traced my lips down her body.

Her hands were in my hair, pushing my head down. I didn't give her was she wanted until I heard her panting, "Dimitri… please… oh, fuck!"

I was so close to pushing her over the edge when she calmed, her body stopped writhing underneath me and her hands went slack on my head.

"Dimitri… stop," she said softly. I looked up, her pained expression sobered me. She shivered, so I pulled the blanket up around us. "What's wrong, Roza? Did… I hurt you?" She shook her head, her lips pressed in a tight line.

"Is it Adrian?" I asked. Rose flinched, but shook her head again. I was getting frustrated.

"Roza, tell me what's wrong," I pleaded, cupping her face to get her to look me in the eye.

"Lissa just sent me a message in my head," she began, regarding me with pity.

"It's Tasha. Dimitri… Tasha confessed to killing Tatiana."

* * *

We got dressed and checked out of the motel, our few possessions in a drawstring bag and duffel bag. We went across the street to Walmart's parking lot to scan the area for a good car to take. Lissa didn't know any more than we did, and I was desperate to get back to Court to sort out this mess and clear Tasha's name.

I found an unlocked Ford Focus and waved Rose over. She ditched the car she'd been discretely studying and jogged to me. "Will you teach me how to hotwire a car?" she asked.

"Why do you want to know how to hotwire a car?" I challenged. Rose crossed her arms in front of her. "Why did you want to learn?" she shot back.

"Good point." I held open the door and gestured for her to get into the driver's seat. I knelt down by her to see under the steering wheel, and directed her hands while she fished out the wires.

After a few minutes of tweaking, the car rumbled to life and Rose clapped her hands together. "Awesome!" She got out of the driver's seat and walked around to the other side of the car.

"Wait, you're not going to drive?" I asked.

Rose cut me a look. "I would love to, but I want to be able to jump into Lissa's head in case there are any updates from Court. I should probably call Abe, too. He can get us information."

And so we were on the road once again. Rose used the disposable to call her father, peppering him with questions, and based on the irritated tone in her voice, not getting good answers. I rested my hand on her knee, she placed her hand on mine, intertwining our fingers.

The sunrise was directly in front of us as we drove, annoying the hell out of me. Rose sighed in frustration, "Yeah… I know… I'll see you soon, bye dad."

She tossed the phone on the backseat. "He said Tasha didn't actually confess, that she was turned in by an 'anonymous source.'"

"The person who framed you would have the same reasons to hate Tasha," I said adamantly. "And you were both outspoken about Tatiana, so you both make good targets."

She squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry, Comrade," she said slowly.

"Don't be sorry. We'll fix this."

"Dimitri…" she hesitated. I grunted in response.

"I don't know if we can fix this."

I looked at her in surprise. "What do you mean?" I asked angrily, turning my gaze back to the road. "Well, Hans wouldn't pardon us if he thought Tasha was innocent. They must have found some evidence against her."

"Sure, but they had evidence against you, too. It's a setup." I said firmly. Rose didn't say anything. I hit the power button for the radio, found the country station and turned the music up to evade the silence. Rose didn't protest the music for once.

For several hours, I simmered in rage. I was beyond reason. I didn't want to believe any of what Rose was telling me, even if it made sense. Tasha never liked Rose, I knew it from the first time they met by the pond last winter. She was nice at face value and even bought Rose gifts, but that was all a show. Tasha was one of the most manipulative people I knew; it was a trait I had always admired as she fought her way through the royal Moroi malee. If anyone could murder Tatianna, and frame another person for it, it would be Tasha. If anyone would want to blame Rose, well, I just never thought her animosity was that strong.

After I overcame the denial, my anger turned on itself and redirected to Tasha.

That didn't make the situation hurt any less.

Rose and I stopped in Cleveland for gas. I leaned against the car as the gas gage climbed higher. Rose left to find a bathroom, when she came back she was holding two steaming styrofoam cups. "Gas station coffee," she held one out to me like an olive branch. I took the coffee, offering her a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry for…" I waved my hand dismissively. "Being a dick?" Rose offered. I sighed, "Yeah. I'm just having a hard time accepting that Tasha could do it."

Rose leaned on me, placing her hands and coffee cup on my chest. I wrapped an arm around her. "I know," she said. "I don't want it to be true either. And if there's a chance it isn't true, we'll fight to get her out."

My heart swelled for Rose. She never like Tasha too much either, so it meant the world to me that she would put those feelings aside for my sake. "Rose, I couldn't ask you to do that for her."

"Then it's a good thing you're not asking."

By now the gas tank had filled up, but neither of us moved. I brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her. She responded to the kiss, but broke it off before any tongues were involved.

"Dimitri, about what happened this morning…" I could see the shame on her face.

I took a deep breath, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at myself for ever being optimistic.

She placed her thumb under my chin and forced me to look squarely at her. "I'm not saying no," she said. "I don't regret it, but last night _was_ a mistake. We were just caught up in the moment, you know?"

Even though it wasn't a rejection, her words stung me.

"If we were thinking clearly, we wouldn't have… you know. I have to do this the right way, Comrade. I love you, but I'm still in a relationship with Adrian. I need to come clean to him and end it before we can be together.

She got on the tips of her toes and pecked me on the cheek. "Let's go home," she said.

Despite the grim circumstances, I knew everything would turn out alright. We would find justice, whether I liked that outcome or not. I took Rose's advice from earlier, about finding the beauty in the small details.

The sun shined down on us, and we had awful coffee to keep up awake; it was picturesque, fulfilling a degenerate type of aesthetic. I couldn't help but smile. For once, we had a plan for our future that would actually work.

* * *

 **Please review!**

 **While writing this chapter, I noticed that we don't know how or when Dimitri found out that _Zmey_ is Rose's father. He didn't know in BP, then all of the sudden Rose is calling Abe her father in LS and Dimitri doesn't bat an eye. So who told him? What was his reaction? I would have really liked to read that scene, wouldn't you?**

 **Let me know what moment or event from the VA series that you wish was written into the books. I'm curious! - thefangirldiaries**


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